Blow Job Occupational Hazard: Smegma

I learned about smegma in 7th grade. It was a trendy insult at the time, i.e.,

"That's why you're a paramecium covered in smegma!.."

We were rather intelligent youngins. We used names of microscopic parasites to diss each other. Like most young kids, when you first learn a new diss word you probably don't know its scientific meaning. In the heat of verbal battle though, it doesn't matter. The more syllables the better.

"You're a copulatory organ prominence!"

Translation?

You my friend, are a penis wrinkle. 

But I digress.

When I did find out the definition of smegma, virgin that I was and very unfamiliar with the penis and it's dermal productions, I became immediately grossed out by what I had been calling boys. Triumphant! But grossed out.

Nowadays, with jr. high long behind me, that shit is still gross. And fortunately, good ole' smegma, is still a top insult. If the opponent doesnt know what it means, even better. Put down the ipods for a sec and pick up a Scientific American, nahmean?

But I digress.
Again.

Sidenote: Why am I talking about this? Not sure. Maybe I have a dirty smegmated  mind.

I just made up the word "smegmated" btw. I so cleverrr..

To define, smegma (also known as "knob cheese") is a cheesy-like substance found in the foreskin on the head of a man's penis. If you see smegma, RUN FOR THE HILLS!! It means loverboy hasn't washed his dick. Or giving him the benefit of the doubt, he hasn't washed it well. It usually (if not always) occurs on men who haven't been circumsized.

Now, because it is something the body produces naturally, one could argue there is a positive reason for its production. That reason according to CIRP.org is:

"Is Smegma useful? Yes, certainly. It lubricates the cavity between the foreskin of the penis and the glans, thus allowing smooth movement between them during intercourse..."

Yeah yeah yeah. Sounds nice but fellas, especially if you have a Shar Pei for a dick, make sure you washy-wash. Ricotta cheese is for lasagna, not your Lovestick. Not only will the sight of smegma turn her off at that moment, but perhaps FOREVER. Nothing says 'no-soup-for-you' like the appearance of smegma when you're about to do Jawcercise.

Just to gross you out even more, (cuz I beez like that sometimes) I'll post a pic.

To anyone out there who enjoys giving blow-jobs, this is one of the severest occupational hazards. I mean it's just downright disrespectful. If a guy is lucky enough to be the recipient of a BJ, the LEAST he could do is be fresh and ready. The more I think about it, I'm just like gimme a break man! It's hard work to get a woman to say yes to dicklick action (without it being a business transaction). We think verrry carrrefully about it. If we do say yes and it's 'deed' time, you have the nerve to have fuckeeng smegma?! Who raised you??! There is one good point about smegma though. Unlike HIV or AIDS, at least smegma is visible. You can see it on the peeny, which should also show you that you're dealing with a bum ass dude who prolly showers at the 'Y' so kick him out ASAP.

Buckle up buttercup. Smegma pic in

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You got nervous huh? No but seriously..

No go wash yer' dick!!