The New Year: Setting Intentions vs. Resolutions

As we all settle into this new year, we think of the habits we'd like to let go of, and those we'd like to acquire.

Typically, we make resolutions.

"I'm going to lose 20 pounds."
"I'm going vegan!"
"I'm going to quit smoking."

These are definitely handy notions, but in essence they're items we'd like to DO.
Intentions focus more on how we'd like to FEEL.

One issue with resolutions, is that they imply circumstances will be better once certain factors are different. We'll be happier once we change who we are. When we fall short of our avowed "to-do's" we can feel lazy or disappointed with ourselves. Most resolutions are discarded by mid-February. Not to mention resolutions are limiting. They're governed by the mind, and anything governed by the mind doesn’t have great consequences.

Sankalpa is the Sanskrit word for intention. Intentions are instead for the soul’s growth. A good intention nurtures consciousness and has the power to significantly raise awareness. When setting intentions, we worry about our actions because righteous intention creates righteous actions. An intention will help create more clarity. Setting an intention is like drawing a map of where you wish to go — it becomes the driving force of your higher consciousness. Without an intention there is no map, and you're just driving down a road with no destination in mind.

In a nutshell, resolutions are about outcomes, whereas intentions are about the JOURNEY.

Key points to bear in mind as you set intentions are:

• Keep it positive. Make the intention has a positive tone. If your intention is to de-stress, then say something like, "My intention is to invite peace and calm within myself during today's meditation." as opposed to "My intention is to fight this stupid stress."

• Make sure the intention can evolve. If you stick with the same intention week after week, your mind will stop responding to it. Be advised that you shouldn't drastically alter your intentions or goals too frequently. The goal is polish and enhance.

• Aim for the short term. By all means think of the big picture,  just divide your long-term intention into shorter ones. This will help achieve a grandiose goal in shorter, more powerful segments.

• An intention cannot be forced. It's a seed that you have to sow and then let reap on its own. 

• It must be intention you believe in. If not, the purpose of the intention is ruined.

• Detach from the Outcome. Relinquish your attachment to a specific result and live in the wisdom of uncertainty. Intend for everything to work out as it should, then let go and allow opportunities and openings to come your way. You've released your intentions into the fertile ground of pure potentiality. They will bloom when the season is right!

• Let the Universe handle the details. Your focused intentions set the organizing power of the universe in motion. Trust it to orchestrate the complete fulfillment of your desires.  

• Gratitude is an extremely important part of the intention-setting process. If you’re always  wanting and wanting and wanting, (not finding the peace or the gratitude in your life), you'll be in a constant state of scarcity. 

Some sample intentions might be:

I intend to manifest happiness naturally.
I intend to respond first, and then react.
I intend to witness Divinity in everyone.
I intend to lead by example.
I intend to be open to success and abundance.
I intend to stop taking things personally.
I intend to forgive others, and myself.
I intend to love unconditionally.
I intend to make meditation a more important part of my lifestyle.

My intentions for the month of January:

I will focus more of my time, energy and attention on artistic passions and endeavors.

I focus on my inner purpose, dismissing outer distractions.

I am devoting my energy and schedule to creating projects that matter most to my soul.

I will take advantage of the trainings that have presented themselves to me, further enriching my mind and skill-sets.

What are your intentions? 

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10 Ridiculously Sexist and Dangerous Laws From Around the World

The War on Women continues globally. From legalized domestic abuse to bride kidnappings, laws made to oppress women are still firmly in place in many parts of the world. The best protection, (other than a firearm and a steady hand) is AWARENESS. Many of these absurd legal conjectures are hidden knowledge to most of the women they apply to. I doubt married women in India raped by their husbands, would fail to call it rape simply because of their age.

According to their government however, if they're married and over the age of 15, it's not rape. I'm not sure which is sadder in this instance. The fact that the law won't recognize rape or that this law only "protects" brides under 15.

Um...Why are they under 15 and married in the first place? 

In any case, we have to keep protecting ourselves and all women. With the archaic and dangerous belief that women are mens' properties, laws and practices like these will continue. We have to keep pushing, keep educating, and keep kicking oppressors in the balls..

But if they're over 15 years old, let's not call it assault. - WTS.

Once in a while in the U.S. we hear about a bill or a law that seems like it must be a joke. For example, in Florida it is illegal for a single woman to parachute or skydive on a Sunday. This week in Montana, a legislator explained that he seriously wants to make it illegal for women to wear yoga pants in public.

These examples might seem silly and inconsequential, but even so, at their core, they speak to very discriminatory ideas about gender, authority and rights that manifest themselves in much more dangerous ways all over the world, including in the United States. Last year in California, an appeals court overturned a rapist's conviction after a judge cited a standing 1872 law stating only married women could legally be raped. Last December, a legislator in Missouri proposed a bill reading, "No abortion shall be performed or induced unless and until the father of the unborn child provides written, notarized consent to the abortion." And, because I promised myself I'd repeat this every single chance I have until it's not true, it is still legal in more than 30 states in the United States for a rapist to sue his rape victim for child visitation and custody if his forcible insemination resulted in a pregnancy. 

WOW.

As ridiculous as these sound to some of us, they were not included in a top 10 list of misogynistic laws compiled in a report released today by women's rights advocacy group Equality Now. The report describes laws maintained by more than 50 governments. Many reflect the institutionalization of men's entitlement to rape or beat wives and to "own" children. Others limit women's movements and ability to work based on what husbands want.

Here are the top 10:

1. Saudi Arabia maintains its 1990 Fatwa prohibiting "women's driving of automobiles" as "a source of undeniable vices".

Last week, in a TV talk show, an historian defending this prohibition suggested that foreign female drivers be imported wholesale to avoid the shame that the rape ("not a big deal" for a woman) would bring to the family. Of course, Saudi Arabia is only one of a handful of countries, including The Vatican, where women cannot vote. Saudi women are also, effectively, electronically tagged... if they try to travel out of the country their guardians are automatically contacted.

2. A 2013 Indian act confirmed the legality of marital rape... "Sexual intercourse or sexual acts by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under fifteen years of age, is not rape."

India has the world's highest number of early marriages and while fewer girls younger than 15 are being married (18.2 percent), the rates for girls ages 15-18 has increased to 29.2 percent. Waiting a year eliminates "rape."

3. In the U.S., a child born outside of marriage can only be granted citizenship in certain cases relating to the father.

For example, when "a blood relationship between the person and the father is established by clear and convincing evidence" or "the father (unless dead) agreed, in writing, to provide financially for the person until they reach age of eighteen. Somehow, I doubt that millennials, for whom out-of-wedlock births are the norm, know that this might be the case where they live.

4. Likewise, Yemen's 1992 act says that a wife "must permit [her husband] to have legitimate intercourse with her when she is fit to do so."

No age limit. Fourteen percent of girls in Yemen are married to adult men before they are 15. (R. Kelly should move to Yemen, huh?) Periodically, the news cycle is interrupted by a sad and enraging story about girls and women assaulted, sometimes to death, by their husbands. While efforts are underway to change the legal age of marriage to 18, marital rape is a separate issue. In either case, Yemen is in the process of falling apart as I type.

5. In Malta, a kidnapper "after abducting a person, shall marry such person, he shall not be liable to prosecution."

This may seem like a strange law to some, however bride kidnappings are a real problem in many countries and common in certain cultures. (A post on this to come soon).

6. In Nigeria, violence "by a husband for the purpose of correcting his wife" is just fine.

It is difficult for some, however, to live in a country where this is true and then move to another where it is not. Sahara Reporters' Abidodun Ladepo wrote about multiple cases of Nigerian men beating and killing their wives in the U.S. These women are among the three who die each day here at the hands of their spouses.

7. Women in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where during the war an estimated 48 women were raped per hour and where rape, including rape tied to intimate partner violence, continues at horrific rates, "is obliged to live with her husband and follow him wherever he sees fit to reside."

Marital rape is not a punishable offense.

8. In Guinea women are not allowed to have "a separate profession from that of her husband" if he objects.

9. Kenya's 2014 Marriage Act legitimizes polygamy.

"A marriage celebrated under customary law or Islamic law is presumed to be polygamous or potentially polygamous." This law is one thread in a very thick and complicated cloth. Women's rights groups in the country seemed torn. Some applauded the law because polygamy is so widely practice and the law extended vital protections to all wives that were previously denied.

10. A Bahamian act dating from 1991, two years before the last U.S. state outlawed marital rape, defines rape as anyone older than 14 "having sexual intercourse with another person who is not his spouse."

In addition, married Bahamian women cannot pass their nationality to children, with foreign fathers, born outside of the country. This is not true for children born to Bahamian men. It's also easier for men to get citizenship for spouses.

Rape laws, laws governing movement or work or children's nationality are reflections of deeply held and rooted ideas about women being men's property. The common law history of rape laws in particular show that rape was, and in many cases still is, not about a woman's human rights being violated, but about a man -- her father, brother, husband -- having his property stolen. They were never meant to actually protect the raped, but rather defend these property rights. Rape, domestic violence, control of movement -- these are, by many men and the countries they govern, understood as entitlements. Men surveyed in the largest global study of gender-based violence cited "entitlement" as the "primary reason" that they sexually assaulted women.

Women living in countries where they face multiple forms of legal discrimination are rendered exceptionally vulnerable to both spousal and state abuse. If they marry foreigners, or bear their children abroad, they constantly fear deportation of their families if they "get out of line." Because they are women, their families are economically disadvantaged in terms of property ownership and access to financial tools. When women cannot pass nationality on to children or their spouses it also frequently means their families have no access to public services. Their children have no automatic and equal right to be educated in public schools, and their families might not have access to national heath care. If they are in abusive relationships they are much more likely to fear the loss of their children, who can be used to extort and control them. The inability to pass nationality on to male spouses and to children puts women at risk. Combined with other discriminatory laws, it hurts them and their families every day.

Equality Now has, for several years, led a global campaign to end sexism in laws governing nationality. In the wake of the newly released report, they are pursing country-by-country #unsexylaws campaigns, which include opportunities for interested people and organizations to support grass-roots activists.

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Men in a Society Ruled by Women.. Hrm..

Flipping the genders really brings to light some of the awful things that happen to women in our male-dominated society..

What say you?

Killing Their Breasts: How Far Will Women Go to Avoid Rape..?

It is harder than ever to be a woman in this world. Sexual assault against women worldwide, occurs once every 2 minutes. It would stand to reason that women would try to find ways to prevent these assaults, both for themselves and their daughters. Ironically however, some of these efforts cause the very trauma they try to avoid. From female circumcision, to the legal requirement that women wear burqa's, women though the ages have been forced into practices that attempt to lessen their sex appeal, and decrease their chances of being raped. In Cameroon, the secret practice of 'Breast Ironing' falls into this category. Sadly, it does not work to curtail violence on womens' bodies, it IS violence on womens' bodies.

Women and men alike need rape education, NOT body mutilation. Although surely unintended, practices like these reinforce a "blame the victim" mentality, as if a woman's looks are responsible for a man's actions. Men don't rape women because of how big her breasts are. He rapes her to gain control.

If ironing breasts is not going to help a man achieve a healthy self-worth, then it certainly won't prevent him from raping someone. Leave your breasts alone. Use that iron to bash his head in.

-WTS

Breast ironing is a human rights violation. According to UNPFA, (Friends of the United Nations Population Fund), one out of every four girls in Cameroon has been affected by breast ironing, equating to nearly 4 million young women. 

As a 14-year-old girl, Chi Yvonne Leina, now 32, became a witness to this custom, which is practiced by all 200 ethnic tribes in Cameroon. She often went to her grandmother’s hut after school, and usually heard the sounds of her cousins playing.

But one particular day, the hut was eerily quiet.

“When I approached the hut I heard my cousin crying inside,” Leina said. “I was curious, so I peeped through a small crack in the door.”

What Leina saw next would change her life forever. “I heard my cousin groaning and I saw my grandmother warming a small grinding stone. Grandma was using that small stone, which she warmed on the fire, to press my cousin’s breast, and was pressing hard on the breast, and she was crying.”

That was Leina ’s first encounter with breast ironing. Although this practice can result in physical damage in addition to retarding developing breasts, many elders condone it. Mothers or close relatives of young girls who perform the practice believe breast ironing will deter sexual predators.

"Interestingly, women did not know how harmful this practice is. To them, they are merely keeping their daughters out of the eyes of sex predators. Not knowing that it is even better for this children to be sexually attractive now, than sexually unresponsive in future."

Those who carry out breast ironing hope to minimize young girls’ sexual activity, so they get an education and become financially independent. Teen pregnancy out of wedlock is on the rise in the region. Such a life event curtails any hope a young woman has of pursuing a lucrative career.

As Per the US State Departments 2011 Report: “The procedure was considered a way to delay a girl’s physical development, thus limiting the risk of sexual assault and teenage pregnancy,” the report states. “Girls as young as nine were subjected to the practice, which resulted in burns, deformities, and psychological problems.”

Yet, there is strong evidence that breast ironing does not achieve the desired goals. “Statistics confirm that in addition to being a human rights violation, the practice is ineffective in deterring pre-marital pregnancy. One-third of unwanted pregnancies occur between the ages of 13 and 25, with more than half falling pregnant after their first sexual encounter.”

"The medical personnel in our team disclosed the health risks of breast ironing, and behold, mothers wept at their ignorance. They could not imagine that what they see as mere help can adversely affect the lives of their daughters. Some women started telling their stories;

• Some say since they ironed their daughters’ breasts years ago, it has refused to grow again
• Some say that their daughters’ breast has grown extraordinarily big after the ironing
• Some say that their daughters’ breasts have grown in an unimaginable way; one very big and 
  one very small; one growing naturally and the other developing a hole in the middle; some
  growing in a shrinking manner.

The revelations were enormous. I could not help but weep when these women continued to reveal what they have been doing to their daughters and what they have passed through as victims of this painful and traumatizing act."

For many women, including Leina’s cousin, the negative effects can be deep, long-lasting, and counterproductive to personal growth.

“All I know is she became suddenly a shy person, which she wasn’t before,” Leina said. “And she fell out of school and got pregnant some years after."

Listed among breast ironing’s many dangerous consequences: high fever, breast cancer, severe chest pain, infection as a result of scarification, cysts, breast deformities and complete disappearance of the breasts.

"Our next stop was at CWF Musang - Bamenda. It is another women’s group of the Presbyterian Church in Cameroon. At CWF Musang meeting, I cried more than anyone else. In the course of the lectures the women started dishing out the different methods they use in ironing their daughters’ breasts:

• Use of grinding stone that they have
   heated on fire
• The use of hot banana
• The use of hot broken clay pot
• The use of herbs
• The use of hot cutlasses

And then as one woman mentioned that there is a method where the girl is sent under the bed, and then a hot mortar pestle is used to pound the breast from outside the bed by the mother."

Despite the suffering caused by breast ironing, it persists in both rural areas and cities. Older women, often in secret and unbeknownst to men, undertake the torturous operation with faith that it will prevent the difficulties suffered by young women who experience sexual assault, or sex without preparation.

Authorities have tried to stress the need for education and contraception as humane, effective substitutes, yet this tradition, which some says dates back to the 1800s, continues.

Several months after Leina witnessed her cousin’s agony, her grandmother attempted to iron her breasts as well. Leina resisted and threatened to alert the entire neighborhood, so she was spared. “From that day it came to my mind that when you use your voice you can actually free yourself from some things,” she said of the incident. 

This experience influenced the young woman’s decision to study journalism and women’s studies as a university student.

One year ago she also founded Gender Danger, a non-profit that helps spread awareness about breast ironing in the hopes of ending the practice. 

Leina Agwetang

Mrs. Agwetang is one of the 35 volunteers working for Gender Danger in Cameroon who go into communities at least once a month to lecture girls and women about the dangers of breast ironing.

Leina’s organization has already reached over 15,000 women.

Because the custom is clothed in secrecy, taking place behind closed doors between women, Agwetang believes many girls don’t know how to process the pain.


For Leina what is most troubling about breast ironing is the resulting the emotional scars.

“I think it’s the culture,” Agwetang said. “They don’t want to talk about certain things. But now that we are going out… they open up and they tell you their experiences. And even some parents, they tell you what they did to their children and they really regret it.”


Follow Nia Hamm on Twitter at @niaahamm

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You can get HIV from THAT??

A stylist offered me an earring to go with my outfit.

I asked, "Is this your earring?" to which they replied, "Yes."

I had personal knowledge that this person was HIV positive. I wasn't about to risk my life for an earring.

I didn't say anything, and just left the earring on the table. I looked at them like, "Ummkay.."

Maybe they didn't know what the problem was?

I suppose this speaks to my
A) Being a conspiracy theorist and,
B) Being a conspiracy theorist and not trusting "facts" given to the public about what's safe and what isn't.

I admit, I don't believe a lot of what's said about HIV, specifically, the ways we're told we CANNOT contract it. I think many truths are omitted because if  fully aware of the ALL the ways we could get it, we'd  never leave the house. As a confirmed conspiracy theorist I rarely ever think a cigar is just a cigar.

The name of the game is Safety, and you can't always rely on the Department of Health to provide it. I always say do your own homework and protect yourself. Don't be surprised if the CDC comes out with a "We Didn't Know That Then" campaign down the road like they did with cancer from cigarettes. And the dangers of microwaves. And blood transfusions. And mercury. And asbestos. And you get the picture.

Compiled are a few ways people can contract the virus but may not consider. We are often such a trusting society, certain things never enter our minds. Of course, the ways mentioned are contingent upon someone already having HIV, but that doesn't mean they don't count. I think most can agree that when it comes to the business of HIV, most people will absolutely not tell you if they have it. In certain instances and for the sake of protection, it might be safer to simply pretend they do.


Ways We Don't Think About Getting HIV:

Your Doctor, Nurse or Dental Professional

When was the last time you asked your doctor or dentist their HIV status? Doctors, nurses nor dentists are required to disclose their HIV status or any other health issues. The American Medical Association and the American Dental Association strongly urge their members NOT to engage in activities that carry risk of HIV transmission, however, it's  suggested not required. Look for any cuts, scratches, sores, lesions or skin rashes on any medical professional that touches you. These are people that come into contact with the bodily fluids, disorders, god-knows-what of other people everyday. Don't just assume that because they're a doctor they're disease free. You have no idea what conditions these medical professionals have and by law, they don't have to tell you.

Earrings

True, HIV doesn't live outside the body for long, but if someone shares earrings with you (or other piercings) you should sterilize them before using them. This includes earrings, nose rings, navel rings, Marilyn moles, etc., just bought from a store. You can't be sure whom, if anyone, tried them on before you. Don't chance it! Sterilizing will eliminate not only HIV but other skin infections. If there's blood on the earring or any type of "bodily fluid" that you can't see, you could be taking a risk. Sterilize with rubbing alcohol, and be able to sleep at night :)

Giving Blood

 

 

Disposable needles are supposed to be used just once and that's all. The key words are SUPPOSED TO. Make sure you see with your own eyes that the needle placed in your arm is brand new and sterile. When outside of the US or other western countries, it's important to remember not all developing countries have access to sterile needles. Watch it!

  Eyeliner

Remember, the lining of your lower eyelid is moist, and is kept moist by BODILY FLUID. If
someone uses their eyeliner, then passes it to you, some of that fluid could mingle with your fluid and the next thing you know..

Yep.

Is looking like Cleopatra worth it? Sharing eye make-up is also an excellent way of getting conjunctivitis (pink eye) so basically, if you don't have your own, you might wanna SKIP IT. 

 Getting a Tattoo

Again with the needles. Make sure whomever is giving you the tattoo is using sterilized equipment and a fresh needle. Express your art, don't die from it.

Crack Pipes

Some public health agencies have reported that it might be possible to contract HIV by sharing a crack pipe. The theory is that smoking crack with a homemade crack pipe can cause burns or sores on the lips, which can lead to transmission of diseases between crack users who have burns or sores. Herpes and hepatitis are the major concerns, but it's been theorized that HIV might be transmitted this way as well.

Surgery

Going to get cheap plastic surgery in a burgeoning third-world country? You might get you more than you bargained for. Do your research on the facility and medical staff. Getting a butt lift for a third of the price might sound ideal, but not if you get something you can't get rid of.

Getting Bit

If someone with HIV bites you and breaks the skin.. well.. you might wanna start doing some of the things on your bucket list. You can also try PEP if you are exposed to HIV to help reduce the risk. Gotta act fast though.

Using Someone's Razor

Unfortunately, the razor you're borrowing isn't gonna say, "I cut the last person that used me.." You may not be able to see exactly what's on that razor. Blood, fluids, skin, whatever. Don't use any one's razor but your own. Your health is worth more than getting rid of a little stubble!

Sports

Boxing, Kickboxing, Cage Fighting, and other bloody martial art forms are currently the only sports which HIV positive people are outwardly discouraged from engaging. Due to the large amounts of cuts, nicks and blood, the risks of contracting a disease are highly increased. They say you can't get HIV through sweat but be careful none-the-less.

 From your Barber

If he/she cut or nicked your neck or head, you could be exposed. If they nicked the person before you and didn't thoroughly sanitize their tools, you could be at risk. If they themselves have any cuts or nicks that are open and/or bleed, pay attention. Don't be so blindly trusting. Do you know the HIV status of your barber? Be sure to check the tools being used on you. Make sure they've been properly sanitized.   

Cleaning Bloodstains from Floors and Clothes

Cleaning blood fresh or dried should ALWAYS be done with latex gloves. The HIV virus does not remain viable outside the body for very long. Detergent and bleach will easily destroy HIV, but you CAN get it if you come into direct contact with it.These socks are so "Dexter", no?

Toothbrushes

First off, I think using someone else's toothbrush is disgusting, but for those who don't I have another "D" word for you: DEADLY. Gums bleed ALL THE TIME. You never know what is IN or ON the bristles of the toothbrush you're borrowing. Toothbrushes can be what, $0.99?? Just buy a new toothbrush and call it a day. 

Condoms 

All condoms are not created equal. Lambskins feel more "realistic", but they do not protect against HIV. Pregnancy yes. HIV no. Stick to latex. 

Or marry her and use nothing. :)

 

I'll admit, first off, I'm a germaphobe, so if you even cough in my direction expect a full spraying of Lysol your way. Second, I admit the above scenarios are extreme and probably highly unlikely, but still, it never hurts to arm yourself with a little extra knowledge. Sometimes it's better to be paranoid than sorry..