Beer That Smells & Tastes Like Vaginas Goes On Sale

You like beer and vaginas? Well, now you have a chance to mix these both together. The Order of Yoni is the first brewing company that literally produces beer from vaginas.

The company has already presented Bottled Instinct, a beer made from lactic acid bacteria from the vagina of hot Czech model Alexandra Brendlova.

Thus any man would be able to smell, taste and enjoy woman’s “allure, grace, glamour and instincts”.

The product description reads: “Imagine a woman of your dreams, your object of desire. Her charm, her sensuality, her passion. Try her taste, feel her smell, hear her voice.

Imagine her massaging you passionately and whispering into your ear everything you want. Now free your fantasies and imagine that with a magic wand you can close it in one bottle of beer.”

But how exactly they are planning to create this extraordinary beer? The experimenters would use a gynecological stick to take bacteria from Ms Brendlova’s vagina which will be isolated, cleaned and multiplied.

That bacteria is then used in a culture starter kit, and is combined with water, malt, hops, wooden chips, and yeast to create the beer.

Wojtek Mann, the founder of the company, said: “We were looking for an inspiration, a model who is both beautiful, charming girl and intelligent, eloquent woman. I really appreciate her way of speaking, and I find her body language, the way she walks, very sexual.”

Moreover, the Order of Yoni’s plans to expand their production into BDSM ale and diversify their range of beers with vaginal lactic acid bacteria of a woman with brown, blonde and red hair.

So to summize..

SOME MEN ARE HORRIBLY DESPERATE. Either for Money, Ass, or both.

Beer made from vagina juice is so weird.

Cheers anyway.

I guess.

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Sourcery

Women Take Shits.. in buffets apparently.

I don't much like buffets. They're great if you're trying to rack up calories and want a little of everything, but they're unsafe. Who knows when some mad at life disgruntled Earthling will decide to piss in the jello?

Or do something worse in the whatever.

Welp, you don't have to guess.

Picture it.

A drunken grandma in Manchester England.

An all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.

After dropping a cigarette in another patron's glass, management asks the grandma to leave.

Inebriated grandma becomes enraged and..

Shits in the food.

Yes you heard right. She shat in the shitakes.

It's a strange world we live in some time.

Stay away from buffets.

-WTS.

In a story surely too terrible to be true, an intoxicated grandma is alleged to have caused the closure of a Manchester restaurant after she did something unspeakably foul in a tray of crispy seaweed.
UK’s Sunday Sport reports the grandma shocked disgusted fellow diners when she took a number two in the middle of the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.
They said “ onlookers gasped (and some vomited) when the drunken 52-year-old climbed onto a chair, pulled down her tights and splattered her mess onto the savoury treat.”
They report that the grandma had been asked to leave the venue after putting out a cigarette in another customer’s drink.

When the Sunday Sport approached the alleged offender, Janice O’Dowd, she told their reporter: “Yes, I was drunk and yes, I did s**t on the buffet.”

Sue Harris was in the restaurant at the time celebrating her 40th birthday and said: “I was stood next to the woman when she grabbed a chair and climbed onto it. She was drunk and swigging from a vodka bottle and at first I thought she was just mooning her backside for the amusement of her friends.”

“I was physically sick on the spot.”

The owner of the restaurant was forced to shut for the day and let customers leave free of charge, apart from the offending table of drunken women.

He decided not to call the police.

Source of the Shit

Women Take Drinks

How was my weekend? Well let's see. You want the full version or the parts I remember? With that being said, I'd say the weekend was a little too good. Went to an amazing party with some girlfriends. The bad news is how good the party was. Great music, attractive crowd, wonderful vibe. It was one of those nights. 

My girls and I were like..

There was a somewhat attractive guy who asked me if he could "take care of me for the night." 

What exactly does that entail?

We nicknamed him "Mr. Drinks" because that's what it entailed. It was as if he needed to get rid of money, because he bought countless women drinks at this soiree. Not only A DRINK, but for those who were still parched, he replenished their supplies unflinchingly. He was super-friendly. He smiled all night and never tried to get in my pants. No seriously. 

All that was missing was a top hat. He was a true gentleman. 

I danced, I laughed, I swayed and most important, I SLAYED. My new hot pink lipstick was a hit.

Mr. Drinks made mention all night of how much of a lady I was. "Elegant" he called me.

I wonder if he would still think so after reading a few entries of this blog..

After the whirlwind of fun, a friend Ubered us a cab that took us home. Once I got there I don't think I fell asleep. It felt more like sleep fell into me. I woke up to find a container of half-eaten mashed potatoes on the stove. How the hell did that get there? I felt like I must've slept-walk or something. My friend informed me that I'd bought them before going into my house, and from the greasy, ghetto chicken spot no less :/. It was news to me because I remembered none of it. Also in my kitchen was the bright green, fake-grass welcome mat that belongs to my new neighbor. That I remembered. In my highly drunken state, apparently I um.. 

Stole it. 

I was completely on auto-pilot, almost as if I was a different person.

A zombie.

I don't like being that intoxicated. I mean, what's the nutritional value of a drink anyway? My memory has always been impeccable. The fact that I can't remember things because of my drunkeness.. we're talking about my cerebellum here! Furthermore, the recovery period necessary the morning after is so unpleasant. It's all fun and games until someone steals a rug.

When I looked in the mirror after waking up, I think I understood the term "shit-faced" better than I ever had. I looked tired. Groggy. Haggard. And that hot pink lipstick was still very much hot pink. All other make-up had been washed off but not that pink. It was determined to stay. It took most of the day to fully get it off my lips. 

That's not hot.

One night.

Five drinks.

One very generous alcoholic beverage benefactor.

And an extremely tired, lethargic, hungover ME.  

I would much rather vodka became more of a memory, than a hobby.

Though my drink of choice is honey whiskey..

But still. 

The moral of the story is,

Sobriety awaits! 

Alcohol and the Brain

#womentakedrinks

#drunkinanythingbutlove

Hoes. Blow. And Mexico. How to Save a Man's Life.

In the Life Instruction Book, there is but one word:

LIVE.

It's all you can to keep from dying. In this man's case, having a life literally saved him from taking one. Don't let it be you. If you've been saving yourself from fun, well then..

Go live already!



Happy Friday.


Two thousand dollars spent on a trip to Mexico, a cab ride, a seedy hotel room, excessive amounts of cocaine, and hooker orgies legitimately saved a man’s life. This might be the first time anyone’s ever said that. Don’t know.

Amidst a battle of debilitating depression, he traveled to Mexico to purchase “chemicals” to humanely end his life. The aptly-named Reddit user, plzsendhalp, shares his story involving ripping lines of coke off hookers’ tits, battling whiskey/coke dick with Viagra, multiple threesomes, and of course his will to finally live.

From reddit:

Went to Mexico to buy barbiturates for a humane and peaceful death.

Decided that if I was gonna die anyway I might as well fuck a prostitute before it was all over. After that a cab driver offered to sell me cocaine. One thing lead to another, and I got a room above a whore house equipped with a heart shaped bed, a stripper pole, and a hot tub.

Spent a full week snorting coke off tits, popping pain meds, drinking tequila, eating handfuls of Viagra to fight the whiskey/coke dick, and had three FFM threesomes.

Somewhere in the midst of my coke-fueled orgy I decide life wasn’t so bad after all.

He then packed his shit up and headed back home, STD-free.

Personally speaking, after a week filled with cocaine and sex with Mexican prostitutes, I’d descend into a deep, dark state of depression from the effects of my moral hangover. I’m glad it worked for this guy, though.

He goes on to explain in the comments that his depression was caused by an abusive childhood, then offers words of encouragement for anyone dealing with similar depression issues. He doesn’t suggest they go the Mexico hookers and cocaine route, but he encourages nonetheless. He also fields an onslaught of private messages from people seeking his advice–a true good samaritan.

Well alrighty then.

The source of this madness

Women Get Sloppy Drunk and Embarrass Themselves..

In today's news of sloppy drunk and embarrassing women we feature Michelle Rodriguez.

Wasn't this chick in rehab?

It didn't seem to work. These photos of her and "Super"Model Cara Delevingne at a recent Knicks game are plumb embarrassing.

Geez girl.

Get some help.

Or at least wait till you get home to get that drunk.

She puts the "damn" in (PR) damage control..

Sheesh..

The action wasn’t just on the court at Tuesday’s Knicks game. An apparently visibly intoxicated actress Michelle Rodriguez was spotted kissing model Cara Delevingne in the 4th quarter, after drinking throughout the contest.

Look at the way guy is looking at her, lol..

She's still beautiful though..

Source: Page Six