He Jacks Off to You..

Sooo..

I was at one of my steady hangouts. I see an older guy I always see.

And he stares.

All the time.

Like his eyes are trying to solve a mystery.

Every time I look at him, he's already looking at me.

I give him no attention. He's not my type, not my style, not my speed and basically,

Not my problem.

Then the weirdest thing happened. As I glanced slowly at him, only to find him looking at me AGAIN,

I heard a voice whisper out of nowhere,

"He jacks off to you."

I looked at the glasses hanging on the end of his nose..

Say what? Come again?

Bad choice of words I know but,

He jacks off to me?

Was this my imagination speaking or some guide giving me information?

Why would I want to know that? Is there a reason I NEED to know that?

Some sort of prophetic hint? Should I be concerned??

Then I looked at him once more and it felt true..

He probably does jack off to me.

I could just see his decrepit hand moving up and down. Bent fingers grasping and tugging at (what must be) a very worn out dick.

His Citizen has been well Seniored.

This based on the assumption he can still get it up, that is. I've never heard of anyone using Viagra for self-sex, though I don't doubt it's happened.

Seems like a waste of a pill if you ask me.

"He jacks off to you.."

Eww.

Did he send me that thought? Was he jacking off to me in his mind while I was standing there? Telepathically inviting me into Jackdom??!

I don't think I've ever heard something like that pass through my mind before.

"He jacks off to you."

God I hope not.

Do NOT include me in your pornogory thoughts of cummation Sir!

Then it made me wonder..

How many guys are doing this? I mean, porn is widely available.

How many guys are using my (or any NON-porn star female friend's) image to reach their climactic goals?

Then I remembered..

I was once with a friend. He couldn't find his phone so he asked me to call it. I called and the phone rang about 3 times. On the fourth ring I located the phone and lo and behold, there I was.

My photo a'blazing on the screen as the phone went off.

"What are you doing with my pic?" I asked. "Where'd you get it?"

Oh I got it off Facebook.

(Getting pics off Facebook, getting off on Facebook, tomato, tomahto!).

"Why?" I asked.

Just so that when you call, I know it's you.

"You know it's me by my name and number. You don't need to steal pictures."

(Pictures stolen off the internet = Stolaroids. But I digress.)

We went back and forth a bit and it wasn't a big deal. It was however, a big eye opener.

People taking others' photos from social media.. some guy just made a fortune from an exhibit he created with photos he took from IG, to the tune of 100k per photo.

I guess that's all well and fine but..

What if they're jacking off to those photos? You post a pic of yourself scantily clad or sexy or just feeling free..

And someone is pumping all over your pumpkin.

I suppose it's only disgusting if you don't like the guy.

Nah, it's kinda weird of you like him too.

I haven't seen the old guy since the "whisper." I've thought about it though and my reaction is always the same.

"He jacks off to you.."

Stay away from me old man. You get anything on my clothes and that's gonna be your ass.

-WTS.

Hoes. Blow. And Mexico. How to Save a Man's Life.

In the Life Instruction Book, there is but one word:

LIVE.

It's all you can to keep from dying. In this man's case, having a life literally saved him from taking one. Don't let it be you. If you've been saving yourself from fun, well then..

Go live already!



Happy Friday.


Two thousand dollars spent on a trip to Mexico, a cab ride, a seedy hotel room, excessive amounts of cocaine, and hooker orgies legitimately saved a man’s life. This might be the first time anyone’s ever said that. Don’t know.

Amidst a battle of debilitating depression, he traveled to Mexico to purchase “chemicals” to humanely end his life. The aptly-named Reddit user, plzsendhalp, shares his story involving ripping lines of coke off hookers’ tits, battling whiskey/coke dick with Viagra, multiple threesomes, and of course his will to finally live.

From reddit:

Went to Mexico to buy barbiturates for a humane and peaceful death.

Decided that if I was gonna die anyway I might as well fuck a prostitute before it was all over. After that a cab driver offered to sell me cocaine. One thing lead to another, and I got a room above a whore house equipped with a heart shaped bed, a stripper pole, and a hot tub.

Spent a full week snorting coke off tits, popping pain meds, drinking tequila, eating handfuls of Viagra to fight the whiskey/coke dick, and had three FFM threesomes.

Somewhere in the midst of my coke-fueled orgy I decide life wasn’t so bad after all.

He then packed his shit up and headed back home, STD-free.

Personally speaking, after a week filled with cocaine and sex with Mexican prostitutes, I’d descend into a deep, dark state of depression from the effects of my moral hangover. I’m glad it worked for this guy, though.

He goes on to explain in the comments that his depression was caused by an abusive childhood, then offers words of encouragement for anyone dealing with similar depression issues. He doesn’t suggest they go the Mexico hookers and cocaine route, but he encourages nonetheless. He also fields an onslaught of private messages from people seeking his advice–a true good samaritan.

Well alrighty then.

The source of this madness