The Shit I Do For You

The shit I do for this blog..



I just spent 2 hours on gifs. 2 hours of my life!!

I need them for my upcoming porn post.

Plus I got some SEO analytics that I personally don't know how to implement but hey.

That's what's money's for.

Now off to get my 3rd pair of contacts in 3 weeks.

The last pair led to a scratch on my cornea.

I may need to just do my glasses for a while.

Stay tuned for the next post!

-WTS.

10 Ways To Take Your Sex Toys on a Plane.. and NOT Get Embarrased

I recently went on a trip to Atlanta. I was going for a week, and no-boyfriend-haver that I am, wanted to take my pleasure stick with me.

Then I thought about the TSA, x-ray conveyor belts, potential asshole TSA agents, shocked on-lookers, and decided to leave my plastic love machine at home.

And let me tell ya, it was missed.

Fired up, I wondered why I should have to be without some battery operated lovin because of what I feared the TSA would do. Why should I worry about looky-loos staring, laughing, gasping at my inanimate love slave?

NO! I wasn't going to let that fly anymore. (Pun intended).

Surely there was a way I could carry it on so I could carry on at my hotel.

In typical ME fashion, I got to researchin'. I found some practical and non-embarrassing actions to take when one wants to bring aboard sex toys without bringing on embarrassment.


1) Remove the Batteries:  

Rule numero UNO! A bag that's buzzing will definitely be opened and searched by security, so take the batteries out before you pack it. This voids any chance of your toy going off en route. I had a friend who vibrators you had to plug in to a socket but then again, my friend was in the big leagues. She was a vibrator All-Star. I didn't know if she was trying to have a good time or simulate being in labor, but I digress.

2) Pack Your Item In A See-Through Plastic Bag

In the event that your baggage gets searched, you don’t want a customs officer handling your intimate buddy with any nasty customs officered hands, so pack your toy in a clear plastic bag. – They x-ray machine can see what’s inside and it’s a hygienic storage option when you’re on-the-go. This leads us to # 3.

3) Attach a Note

Now that you've packed your orgasmer in a plastic bag, you could take it a step further by including a note. You can also use a photo its original packaging in case there's any mistaken identity. The disco-stick can speak for itself when the (big) letters can be read through the x-ray machine. Nothing says vibrator, quite like a note that says "VIBRATOR." Or if you want to keep it classy, use the term "personal massager." 

You won't be fooling anyone though..heh heh.

4) Keep It Small

This might be a tall order for some, but remember: We're trying to avoid embarrassment here. When it comes to restrictions on items for air travel, the TSA states that “tools” with a length of 7 inches are suitable for carry-on luggage. This means that petite, discreet massagers are the safest bets. 

The plug-in, baby head sized gear my friend had might have to wait for a road trip. Maybe you'll like one of these: Discreet Sex Toys for Travel 

5) Be Honest 

If an airport security agent asks you what’s in your bag, or has you explain an item on the x-ray display; tell it to them the truth. This will save you being pulled aside for further questioning and could help avoid any unnecessary rummaging through your bag. Although traveling with sex toys is completely legal in the US, you may still encounter TSA officials whose conduct toward you may be rude or unprofessional. If this happens at a security screening area, request to speak with a supervisor. You can submit a formal complaint or email the TSA's Contact Center at TSA-ContactCenter@dhs.gov.

If you believe you've been the target of discriminatory conduct you can file a complaint at Don't Fuck With Me.

6) Bring a Toy That Doesn't Look Like A Sex Toy

Bringing a toy that doesn’t look like a sex toy is not to trick the TSA. It's ultimately the electronics inside the toy that ping their radars so they'll know. A disguised toy is good because it won’t call attention from nosey nearby travelers. The last thing you need is your ordeal recorded on someones phone. Facebook, Youtube, Worldstar.. I've never met anyone who wanted to be famous because they had a dildo in their bag. One way to prevent the threat of this is #7.

7) Ask To Be Screened In Private

This is a great option if you're truly apprehensive about having having your device taken out in public. Getting through security may take a bit longer, but the risk of embarrassment in front of other travelers is decreased drastically if not eliminated completely.

8) Don't Pack it in Your Carry On

If you have a bag you're checking, pack it there. And again, take out the batteries! If you think taking out a buzzing vibrator at the security check point is bad, imagine being pulled off a plane because they think your buzzing bag may be a bomb. It sounds extreme but it could happen.

9) Leave it Home

The only way to be 100% sure that you won't be stopped or embarrassed by carrying a personal toy aboard your flight is to leave it at home. You can always buy an inexpensive vibrating apparatus at any local drug store, usually in the condom section. I know it may not be the trusty companion you're used to, but they can do the trick. Being away from home AND going through TSA?

Not the best time to be a dildo-snob, yes?

10) Know if Sex-Toys Are Allowed at Your Destination 

Believe it or not, sex toys aren’t accepted in every place on the globe. Some countries and regions have bans on your little buzzing buddy, like India, the United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia — even some US States. If you’re not sure if your destination allows sex toys, do your research. 'Better safe than sorry' is just a Google search away, and can save you a whole lot of trouble.

List of Countries That Don't Allow Sex-Toys

Be especially careful if you're a man travelling with these toys. Being gay is illegal in many parts of the world. Toys are supposed to provide fun, not jail time, and certainly not a beat down from homophobic law enforcement. If you're not a gay man, international officials may think you are by having these items so again, be cautious.

I hope this list helps you feel more at ease taking your good time tools with you. Traveling with your toys can be fuss-free, and once you arrive at your destination, can make it easier to relax and enjoy being in a new place.

Travel safe.
Travel smart.

WTS.

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For Shits and Giggles

Unfortunate Coincidence

By the time you swear you're his,

Shivering and sighing.

And he vows his passion is,

Infinite, undying.

Lady make note of this --

One of you is lying.

Dorothy Parker

August 22, 1893 – June 7, 1967

Follow us on IG: two_lipped_tulips

Mood: Don't Bring Me Down..

Don't
Bring
Me
Down.

Between this being day two of non-stop, very gray rain,

And me getting my period at the EXACT moment I needed to leave the house this morning,

I am in NO mood to be brought down today.

I feel as ferocious as a angry Lion.

Just don't bring me down, ok? Thx.


WTS.

Edgy Breastfeeding Clothing Line

Breastfeeding gets such a bad rap these days. At least breastfeeding in public. It's ok for adults to eat in public, but not babies. I don't understand why people feel so uncomfortable seeing a woman do one of the most natural functions known to humankind.

When witnessing public breastfeeding, people seem so taken aback and flustered.

Many women are often met with "You should take that to a restroom!" 

Do we need to discuss public restrooms people? 

Half the time their unsuitable for peeing, let alone feeding an infant. Who the hell wants to eat in a room that smells like poop? Or worse?

Although this clothing line may not take away any of the stigma of public breastfeeding, it at least makes it easier for mothers to get their breast out and back in again quickly. A line equipped with numerous zippers and cool style, it's made public (and non-public) nursing  that much easier.

We all deserve to eat in peace. This includes the lil' bambinos who still need mommy's breast to survive. Way to go Leche Libre! You've freed the nipple all while providing a stylish way to do it. Moms everywhere take off their hats to you..

And their bras. 

- WTS

#freethenipple #feedthechildren 

Andrea Newberry didn't go to an expensive design school or work for years in fashion houses before starting Leche Libre. She felt the sea of stretch jersey and spaghetti straps among nursing tops and dresses left her feeling frumpy. As for style, nobody's out there winning awards for cool breastfeeding design. Up until now, nursing moms might as well put their personalities on a shelf. Refusing to lose her sense of self and personal expression, Newberry took on the problem using the fundamentals of pre-school education: if you can't go around it, and you can't go through it, you have to go over it — with really cool zippers.

And with that, Leche Libre was born.

For the past few years, Newberry has worked on perfecting Leche Libre, a hip clothing collection for breastfeeding moms. The innovation is simple, yet effective. Vertical zippers that run over the bust make it easy to comfortably nurse anywhere, any time. No more blankets over shoulders, no more bathroom stalls, no more awkward hiding in the corner. These designs are comfortable, chic, and functional.

Just zip and sip, baby.

Besides the technical triumphs of Leche Libre, the designs are just damn cool. Newberry's collection presents true closet staples — the little black dress, the structured black jacket/sweatshirt, the effortlessly cool tunic — that women can wear with confidence long after the baby's been fed. And this ain't no fast fashion falls-apart-in-one-wash rodeo. Moms deserve something sturdy and they get it with this line.

What you get with Leche Libre:

• BOTH stylish and functional nursing apparel with looks you'll want to wear whether you're breastfeeding or not. 

• Zippers along the bust provide easy and discreet nursing access so you can never worry about breastfeeding in public again. 

• Nurture yourself AND your baby at the same time with styles that allow you to represent your individuality while being the best mom you can be. 

• Versatile garments perfect for professional settings with easy pumping access! 

• Garments which are ethically manufactured in the USA to empower women on both sides of the transaction.

To support and/or order from Leche Libre:

https://leche-libre.backerkit.com/hosted_preorders and pre-order one of the new items in the collection.

I think this line is FAB! The holidays are among us. This would be a great present for any new or nursing mothers you may know. The combination of style and functionality is truly a gift.

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Leche Libre Facebook

White Women Voted for Trump in 2016 because They Still Believe White Men Are Their Saviors

White women have a history of betraying their sisters. The 2016 election was no exception. According to exit polls, 53% of white women in America voted for Donald Trump. The pattern of white women choosing white men over women of color underscores some of the more insidious machinations of patriarchy and the racism ingrained in the feminist movement. White women's modus operandi for gaining power—economic, political, and otherwise—is simple: acquire power from those who have it. And those who've historically have had it are white men. This has resulted in white women's historic abandonment of their black and brown sisters, as well as their more heinous adoption of white supremacist rhetoric to advance their own status.

These ethically unjustifiable strategies are evident in some of the feminist movement's darkest days, beginning with the fight for suffrage. After the decision was made to exclude women from the 15th Amendment, which gave free black men the right to vote, leading suffragists Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton adopted blatantly racist rhetoric. Frustrated with the stonewalling of women's suffrage, they actively courted and collaborated with white supremacists in exchange for financial assistance to advance their cause. By aligning themselves with white men, these early feminists turned their back on black women and even black suffragists. White male supremacists welcomed the coalition, as Ta-Nehisi Coates wrote in a piece at the Atlantic, because it would shore up white nationalism at the voting booths.

During the next wave of feminism in the 1960s and 1970s, a similar strategy played out, this time on a structural level. The organizations fighting for women's rights deliberately excluded their black and brown sisters so as to appear more acceptable to the white male legislators who held the power.

The ethical failures of white women resulted in black women creating their own feminism—womanism—as well as their own groups such as the Combahee River Collective, which argued that ending the systemic oppression of all women was a political imperative. “[W]e are actively committed to struggling against racial, sexual, heterosexual, and class oppression and see as our particular task the development of integrated analysis and practice based upon the fact that the major systems of oppression are interlocking,” they wrote in their mission statement.

White feminism, by contrast, is the calculated rejection of intersectional sisterhood in favor of the acceptance and appreciation of white men. In its most destructive form, it is racism masquerading as self-empowerment. This is apparent in Elle magazine interviews with a handful of female Trump supporters after the election, who claim that they are “absolutely not racist” and they really just care about the “economy” and “get[ting] a good job.” These women's myopic worldview and unrepentantly American sense of individualism is not feminism, nor can they claim they are not racists if they are willing to overlook the bigotry that fueled Trump's campaign.

The millions of white women who voted for Trump—a man accused of rape, a man who has publicly called women “pigs” and jocularly riffed about sexually harassing and assaulting women—also seem to have been willing to ignore Trump's misogyny in order to get rid of the “establishment.” (Because nothing says “establishment” like a feminist woman president of the United States who actively declares Black Lives Matter!) History will judge them for helping to tip the election. White women account for 37% of the American voting population, which means the votes of black and brown women, no matter how impressively they turned out for Hillary Clinton (94% of black women; 68% of Hispanic and Latino women), were countered by the large swath of white women who supported Trump.

White women need education, empathy, and a collective consciousness. In the minds of the 53% of white women who supported Trump, what makes them think that a sexist, racist white man will change the system and upend “the establishment”? This contradictory logic highlights a toxic cocktail of cognitive dissonance, internalized misogyny, and not-so-subtle racism that continues to impede women's political and economic progress. This isn't ideology; this is about ending the oppression of all women and eradicating the structures that prevent women from controlling their bodies and their lives.

It's clear now that far too many white women still see white men as their saviors. Feminism will not succeed in its goal of ending oppression until white women break this pattern. Because as history shows, white men are in no hurry to make women their equals—in fact, doing so would only threaten their sense of masculinity and their manhood.

Instead of turning to men for political coalition and social acceptance, white women need to turn toward women of color. This is the message of the late Harvard lesbian-feminist Barbara Johnson, who wrote in her conclusion to The Feminist Difference that “conflicts among feminists require women to pay attention to each other, to take each other's reality seriously, to face each other.” Only by doing this will we be able to eradicate women's internalized misogyny. Johnson continued, “feminists have to take the risk of confronting and negotiating differences among women if we are ever to transform such differences into positive rather than negative forces in women's lives.”

While racism is undoubtedly a significant factor in white feminists' failure to engage in intersectional activism, history also suggests that white women have been largely risk-averse when it comes to building coalitions with their black and brown sisters. This is near-sighted and unambitious logic. As Audre Lorde famously wrote in 1984: “the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house,” because “[t]hey may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master's house as their only source of support.”

This is arguably also the reason why the feminist movement seems to be in an interminable state of stagnation when it comes to women's advancement and liberation—a circular movement of two steps forward, one step back. We are still dealing with many of the same issues as our foremothers when it comes to equal pay and equal rights; reproductive rights are in constant limbo; and we face a never-ending struggle to be respected as human beings, not sexual objects to be “grabbed” whenever a man has the urge to do so.

Feminism depends on vital, intersectional sisterhood. White women, black women, and brown women must face each other, engage in and accept our differences, if we are ever to rise together.

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The Move Out of my Way! Challenge

I saw this posted on my niece's FB page and decided to give it a try. First, let me start by saying I am a personal space freak. For reasons that have nothing to do with being meek, I usually move out of any and everyone's path simply because..

I don't want them touching me.

That means ANY part of me. Don't let your bag brush against me, your coat, NOTHING. 

If I have to jump on a mountaintop to keep from having someone enter my personal sphere?

Consider it done.

I ladies and gentlemen, am a Boundary Queen. 

Judge me if you like, just stay in your space whilst you do it. :-)

Anyhoo, I decided to make an exception to my moving-out-of-the-way rule to see how men would respond when I didn't veer off my path so that they could walk freely. Basically, I didn't inconvenience myself to spare them the trouble.

One guy moved out of my way completely!

But he was young so it kinda doesn't count. His sexism and expectations for women to be meager, passive and docile haven't fully matured yet.

I plan to do this experiment for the remainder of the week. I might do it for the remainder of my life if all goes well.

Ladies, LET'S DO THIS CHALLENGE!! Men, you can participate by observing yourselves. Be honest about your expectations. When walking inline with a woman, do you expect her to move out of your way? Tell the truth guys. 

Report back and tell us how it went!

-WTS

The Best of Mae West

Gotta love Mae West. Bold. Brazen. Beautiful and funny. A star of the 1920s whose sense of humor and feisty spirit is still relevant today.

Too bad she's not running for president. At least then we'd have a female candidate that was likeable.

-WTS.

Happy Wednesday..

Here's a happy Wednesday.

Madam President..

Birth Control Pill FOR MEN - On the Market Soon

It's hard enough to get men to wear a condom (no pun intended), especially men you're in a long term relationship with. 

I'm not sure men would want to make themselves infertile on purpose. This birth control method is nice in theory but..

Not sure how well this will swim with mens' egos.

WTS. 

Science just got closer to developing a birth control pill for men letting women everywhere sigh in relief as the burden of pregnancy prevention may soon lessen. The breakthrough comes after a group of Japanese researchers studied the effects of drugs given to organ transplant patients on mice.

The study, published in Science was led by Haruhiko Miyata of Osaka University's Research Institute for Microbial Diseases, saw the effects ofCyclosporine A and tacrolimus on mouse sperm. Cyclosporine A and tacrolimus are given to patients because of their immunosuppressant function, which prevent the body from producing proteins—like an enzyme called calcineurin—that would lead the body to reject the “new” organ. 

Researchers found a kind of calcineurin only found in sperm and studied it in the mice. Long story short, researchers found mice were basically infertile without calcineurin because they couldn’t impregnate females on account of their sperm was too weak. Scientists saw it only took a few days for each of the drugs to make the mice infertile and after one week of not taking the drugs the mice became fertile again. 

The study concluded, “Considering these results in mice, sperm calcineurin may be a target for reversible and rapidly acting human male contraceptives.” 

Check the Rhyme
Check it Again

5 Key Mistakes Men Make When Dating

Dating can be fun or it can a nightmare. One never knows if the date they're on will lead to marriage or a restraining order, but still we play the game. Dinners, movies, flowers, drinks. None of this will make a difference if men commit any of the key mistakes below. Better than mistakes, they're deal breakers.

Women know when men aren't being themselves.
Women know when men aren't confident (even though we don't mention it).

We don't mention it because we also know your egos have the strength of rice paper.

But we still love you! So just be yourself and be confident! You know, the way you are with your guy friends.

Just don't talk about football.

Or pick your nose.

-WTS.


1) You Don't Have A Plan

Women are attracted to men with vision. They like a man who can be assertive and knows how to handle his business. The man that shows he is capable of taking the lead in a situation will be able to grab a woman's attention. So when she asks "so where are you taking me?" Answering her with "uugghh I don't know, where do you want to go?" in most cases is already starting off on the wrong foot. Have a plan in place... but just remain flexible if it doesn't work for her. You also should be able to show you have a plan for your life. You don't have to present some 10 year vision, but be able to express some short term goals and aspirations. Don't come off looking like a boy that is lost or you may constantly find yourself as a man that's alone.


2) You Aren't Confident

Maybe you're nervous around your date. Maybe you fear she won't enjoy herself or that you will do something to blow your chances. Either way, going into dating thinking like this makes it more likely things won't go well. Women are drawn to confidence and focusing on the negative will hinder your positive energy from shining through. So shake it off and get your mind on the right track. Be confident but don't be arrogant. Focus on having a great time and there is a much better chance she will as well.


3) You're Not Being Yourself

Sometimes we want to impress a woman so much that we end up trying to be someone we're not. Getting her under the guise of your "representative" may create immediate results, but you will pay a price in the long run. Not to mention it can all backfire that same day because you come off as phony and trying too hard. So just be yourself. She needs to like you as the man you are. A man who can acknowledge and embrace the areas that could use improvement in his life. If the current man you are isn't "enough" for most, then take some more time to focus on your growth. That will yield much better results than trying to be someone else in the meantime.

4) You Talk About Sex Too Much

If you truly want to have a relationship then you have to stop always making the conversation so sexual. You don't want to make it seem like you're only interested in one thing or that you're unable to hold a good conversation. It isn't that this topic should be off limits altogether, but don't always be the one to set it in that direction. This is the time to go deeper than the physical and see if you two really do connect and enjoy each other. I would even encourage you to avoid having sex too quickly with her. I understand that this sounds ridiculous to some, but hear me out. If she's good sexually, then a man's judgment can become very clouded. You may find yourself holding on to her for the wrong reasons which will eventually lead to a failed relationship. Focus on substance, not sex.

5) You Don't Ask About Her Enough (yes HER, remember HER?)

Don't go into dating as if it is an audition. Approach it more like it is an interview. You should be trying to get to know this woman and determine if she truly is someone you want to move forward with. You can't accomplish that if you are too busy talking about you, you, and you some more. How many times does she really need to hear about that business deal you're doing, or how you stay in the gym cause you're so buff, or whatever else you think is going to impress her. Making it all about you will run the risk of quickly turning her off. Make a conscious effort to ask about how she is doing. Give her an opportunity to share her thoughts and dreams. If you ever find yourself rambling on for too long then stop yourself and say "well enough about me, tell me more about you". Be willing to talk and share things about yourself but you shouldn't let it dominate the dating process.

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STINGS

Bare-handed, I hand the combs.

The man in white smiles, bare-handed,

Our cheesecloth gauntlets neat and sweet,

The throats of our wrists brave lilies.

He and I

Have a thousand clean cells between us,

Eight combs of yellow cups,

And the hive itself a teacup,

White with pink flowers on it,

With excessive love I enameled it

Thinking "Sweetness, sweetness."

Brood cells gray as the fossils of shells

Terrify me, they seem so old.

What am I buying, wormy mahogany?

Is there any queen at all in it?

If there is, she is old,

Her wings torn shawls, her long body

Rubbed of its plush—

Poor and bare and unqueenly and even shameful.

I stand in a column

Of winged, unmiraculous women,

Honey-drudgers.

I am no drudge

Though for years I have eaten dust

And dried plates with my dense hair.

And seen my strangeness evaporate,

Blue dew from dangerous skin.

Will they hate me,

These women who only scurry,

Whose news is the open cherry, the open clover?

It is almost over.

I am in control.

Here is my honey-machine,

It will work without thinking,

Opening, in spring, like an industrious virgin

To scour the creaming crests

As the moon, for its ivory powders, scours the sea.

A third person is watching.

He has nothing to do with the bee-seller or with me.

Now he is gone

In eight great bounds, a great scapegoat.

Here is his slipper, here is another,

And here the square of white linen

He wore instead of a hat.

He was sweet,

The sweat of his efforts a rain

Tugging the world to fruit.

The bees found him out,

Molding onto his lips like lies,

Complicating his features.

They thought death was worth it, but I

Have a self to recover, a queen.

Is she dead, is she sleeping?

Where has she been,

With her lion-red body, her wings of glass?

Now she is flying

More terrible than she ever was, red

Scar in the sky, red comet

Over the engine that killed her—

The mausoleum, the wax house.

-Sylvia Plath

This poem is about adultery.

You Don't Love Him. Beware of OXYTOCIN!

"I Think My Boyfriend Boinked Grandma!"

The topic of the Maury Povich show that some poor, excuse making girlfriend is on.

She weeps. Blots her eyes and lipstick. Boyfriend sits there on stage. Legs spread apart. Leaning to one side of the chair. Chewing on a toothpick. Sorry about NOTHING. Eyeing female audience members, staring at breasts and high heels. His gaze on anything but her.

After a damning lie-detector test, she wants to give him another chance.

The audience boos, as they should.

This situation, although typical (especially for this show), begs the question:

Why would a woman want to stay in a relationship like this? I mean, he boinked Grandma for God's sake.

She gives the age-old reason for tolerating said abuse:

"But I love him!"

I wish she knew what I knew. What scientists know. What doggish boyfriends don't want her to know.

What kind of love would stick around after he swam in a pool of nana?

NONE.

It's not love..

It's OXYTOCIN.

Oxytocin explained: (ox-ee-toh-sen)

A mammalian neurohypophysial hormone. Produced by the hypothalamus, stored and secreted by the posterior pituitary gland, oxytocin acts primarily as a neuromodulator in the brain, regulating sensory neurons.

Sensory neurons (touch, smell, sound, light, etc.,) send signals to sensory organs. These sensory organs make up the neuroanatomy.

The neuroanatomy directs INTIMACY and the creation of intense chemical emotional bonds.

What does this have to do with the weeper?

It's released during ORGASMS.



The more orgasms you have with him, the more this chemical is released, the more you (feel you) bond with him. Keep in mind, YOU'RE bonding with HIM. That doesn't mean he's bonding with YOU. If you have a strictly sexual relationship, then more than not,

He's not bonding at all.

Men don't release oxytocin during sex. They release it during hugging and hand holding and most often..

And I'm serious here,

When petting their dogs. #wompwomp

This lack of hormone is what makes men MEN. This is why they can walk away without a care.

It's not cruel, it's chemical.

It doesn't stop at orgasms. Women also release this magic hormone when breastfeeding. If not for oxytocin, mommies might abandon their babies.

Aside from the unintended attachment to fuckboys, we need this stuff.

It can stave off depression, and help you stay happy.

So if you're attached to Mr. Wrong, blame your brain and those pesky orgasms.

If he's a douche but you keep sticking around ask yourself, what's love got to do with it?

Lots of times,

NOTHING.

Brought to you by the Heart Break Prevention Society. :)


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Fuck your man before he ventures out

Beer That Smells & Tastes Like Vaginas Goes On Sale

You like beer and vaginas? Well, now you have a chance to mix these both together. The Order of Yoni is the first brewing company that literally produces beer from vaginas.

The company has already presented Bottled Instinct, a beer made from lactic acid bacteria from the vagina of hot Czech model Alexandra Brendlova.

Thus any man would be able to smell, taste and enjoy woman’s “allure, grace, glamour and instincts”.

The product description reads: “Imagine a woman of your dreams, your object of desire. Her charm, her sensuality, her passion. Try her taste, feel her smell, hear her voice.

Imagine her massaging you passionately and whispering into your ear everything you want. Now free your fantasies and imagine that with a magic wand you can close it in one bottle of beer.”

But how exactly they are planning to create this extraordinary beer? The experimenters would use a gynecological stick to take bacteria from Ms Brendlova’s vagina which will be isolated, cleaned and multiplied.

That bacteria is then used in a culture starter kit, and is combined with water, malt, hops, wooden chips, and yeast to create the beer.

Wojtek Mann, the founder of the company, said: “We were looking for an inspiration, a model who is both beautiful, charming girl and intelligent, eloquent woman. I really appreciate her way of speaking, and I find her body language, the way she walks, very sexual.”

Moreover, the Order of Yoni’s plans to expand their production into BDSM ale and diversify their range of beers with vaginal lactic acid bacteria of a woman with brown, blonde and red hair.

So to summize..

SOME MEN ARE HORRIBLY DESPERATE. Either for Money, Ass, or both.

Beer made from vagina juice is so weird.

Cheers anyway.

I guess.

Be sure to subscribe and leave comments. I love hearing from you! Tell me what you think, or what you'd like me to write about. Remember, YOU are why I do this :-)


Sourcery

Happy Hump Day (RIP Gene Wilder)

Happy Hump Day.

Wishing you a prosperous Wednesday.

Only today, tomorrow then it's Friday.

Enjoy.

RIP Gene Wilder 

June 1933 - August 2016

He loves me, He loves me not..

Something I wrote when wondering about a guy I was Musing on once.
Does he like me? Turns out he did.

He just never told me. Till much, much later. He was "intimidated."

How unfortunate.

WTS.


Does he let thoughts of me dance in his mind
Like velvety slippers, the daydreaming kind?

Did the confessions reach him too?
Secrets wanting gazes to deliver them,
Not knowing we knew
But still we remember them.

Was he as surprised as I?
New feelings popping out like burps.

A PLAINguage, our language
Like morningbird Chirps.

Does he wonder what I do when I'm All-Out of sight?
When I've All-Left and All-Gone,
Can he sense I'm All-Right?

Does He?
Like Me?

Has he asked the sky about Me?

Questioning cosmos,
Faster than a comet.
He can't hide that His pride,
Is ghost riding on it.

Does he imagine where my birthmarks could be?
What leg, which arm,
Shaped like a fault line with minimum cracks..

If I gave him a bite would he give me one back?

Has he wondered about my smell?
My ph-balanced,
Pheremoned
Nether-Regioned Spell.

The only fragrance in the Universe that wears heels
Spiritual stilettos, metaphysical wheels.

In his garden of Woman
Is there a flower named for me?



Am I a she-home for genomes,
His most favored tree?

Does he see thru my bone-structured face?
Queens, who birthed Queenly Queens,
And DNA'd these bones in place?
Whose struggles, lives and pains I've traced?

Ancestors paths that were never made of lace.

When drawing the map of his future
Am I found in the ink?
On the page?
In a chapter?

Is it violet or pink?

Are his feelings for me Art?
Wish I could take a look.

I'd climb right into his heart,
See if I'm in the book.