The DealBreaker Series: He Can't Work The Middle

Disclaimer: This is to provide ENTERTAINMENT. Attacking comments will NOT be allowed and may be deleted. Feel free to voice your opinion, but this entry is meant to be humorous. Research was done yes, but this is not statistical data. This is a blog not a bible, so open your mind before continuing to read. Thanks.

What is a DealBreaker? If you know a man who's considered a good catch but is always single or never has relationships that last, he's probably a DealBreaker. Men who are DealBreakers are not necessarily bad guys, there's just something about them that women can't and don't commit to. Or if they do commit, they "uncommit" reasonably soon.

I suppose one could say the same for men with little dicks. And for the record, if your dick is not at LEAST 5 inches, YOU HAVE A SMALL DICK. If its THICK -but still less than 5 inches- you don't have a dick you have a cigar.

Some women -surprisingly- can be understanding about men with small dicks. Maybe they themselves are small, and don't require a man to be well-endowed. Depending on the woman, she could be happy just to have a man. If he treats her well (especially financially) and they have fun, some women can overlook it. Sex isn't everything right? *smirks* Who knows exactly why women stay with little-dicked dudes, but for most dick-loving women, a small dick is not something they can live with, i.e., a "DealBreaker." If a woman has to contort her body, like say, have her feet in back of her head, EVERYTIME they have sex just so she can feel it?

It's gonna get old soon.

Sex is supposed to be SEX not yoga. Whether its too skinny (Pencil dick), too short (Sausage), or just too small period, (Gerkin) when a woman is looking to build a relationship with a man, his dick size matters. And to the "Love Conquers All" theorists,

IT DOESN'T.

There are many women who love their small-dicked counterparts, but as you can see in the following clip, it can be mighty frustrating. Feel free to skip to the 35sec mark..

For those who didn't watch SATC, SHE ENDED UP DUMPING HIM.

And don't be fooled ladies. Men who have little dicks are aware they have little dicks. The same way women know if they have big breasts, a man so too knows that he has a small pecker. When taking a leak, a man shouldn't be able to piss on their balls. Sometimes they try to fool you by inserting their finger at the same time as their penis. (Like we can't tell, HA!) And beware of the guys that wanna ply you with alcohol and other mind-dimmers before sex. Little-dicked dudes have many little-dicked tricks to try and sway your attention from the fact that their dicks look like candidates for Pampers, not Fruit of the Loom. Fortunately with lots of little-dicked guys, they learn to do other sexual activities in attempts to compensate for their lack of inches.

If they're smart, they do them well.

Mouths, fingers, tongues, lips..all tools used to make up for the fact that his dick isn't his biggest asset. (Notice vibrators weren't mentioned? Vibrators are what women use when you're not there, not when you're there and not big). If his dick can't reach the spots and areas you need it to reach, then he should be fluent in other means of getting there. Depending on how talented he is in these sexual areas, he might be able to be kept. If not, there's a good chance he will be cheated on and ultimately dumped.

Lest not forget oral sex. Many women enjoy and are turned on by giving oral sex. When a man has a small dick, how fun is that?

Women stop sucking thumbs in elementary school.

And there's nothing worse for a woman, than sincerely being interested in a guy, and learning in that moment of truth, that his dick is just not big. That its NOT gonna be the headbanging experience she was hoping for. In these instances, small dicks can be more sad for women than it is for men.  

The good news is, there's hope! And better still, there's HELP. Enter, the Dick Sleeve. Dick Sleeves are a perfect option for guys that cant fill out their undies. They can provide girth, length or both. In this day and age, there's a plethora of dick sleeve options out there. They can be studded, ribbed or ticklish. Others can vibrate, spin and create other sensations a regular dick might not achieve. there are also dick extenders! They are slid onto the penis, and voila! A bigger more satisfying penis with no surgery. Condoms can also be worn over them. Most sleeves are relatively inexpensive.

Doc Johnson Big Warhead Sleeve, $11.95

Bigger and Better Clear Lovesleeve, $9.77

Pipedream Vibrating Sleeve, 21.95

Mega Stretch Penis Extension, $9.37

I realize men may be embarrassed by the idea that they could use the assistance of one of these products, but his priority should be his woman's pleasure, NOT his pride. Men with little dicks have no right to be selfish, and should be happy a woman is willing to try this alternative.


Otherwise, his teeny peeny might cause him to remain single indefinitely, and force him to retain his title..

as a DealBreaker.