Be Nice to You Dammit!

We are our worst critics. Why is it so hard for women to go easy on ourselves? Give ourselves a big ole' heaping spoonful of that self-love stuff? Maybe sprinkle some self-kindness on our salads? It's amazing that many of my girlfriends that have kids are women who go to the reaches of hell, climbing mountains, braving fire, capturing stars, moving heaven and earth for their children,

And somehow feel they're bad mothers.

Women are the crux of the family, and therefore are the crux of society. We raise villages. Govern nations. Create and educate warriors and sages. With all this, we manage to feel like we don't do enough.

We need to cut that shit out.

Speaking for myself, on any given day I have over 100 things to do and I'm not exaggerating.

One
Hundred
Things.

Possibly 200. Even as I type this now, I'm pivoting between activities. I need to make an appointment at the Sprint store because my phone qualifies for hospice. I'm eating only bitefuls of my lunch, multi-tasking between documents (so much for mindful eating.. but that's another post). I have a stack of papers to go through, info to send for my new computer, a fiverr gig to check on, a French and Spanish translation to finish and I'm going to try and work in a mani-pedi before the Sprint store.

That's just what I have to do within the next hour. 

Plus,

I just got my LLC. (whoop whoop!)  Now I can take this here bloggy (among my other business endeavors) to whole 'nother level.

Yeehaw!

But I'm just one person. 

Am I overwhelmed? Absolutely. A better question would be when am I not overwhelmed? It's no surprise with as much as I shoulder each day, this is my third week in physical therapy for shoulder pain.

I work and do and do and work. With all I try to get done, I had no idea that piling more work onto my plate was a form of self-abuse.

The things we learn as we go, I tell ya.

I know I have an inner mean girl, but I didn't realize the shit she talks about me. I thought she only talked about other people because you know, they deserve it. I see now that she has no favorites. She verbally cuts me the way she would any gorgeous, other-worldly goddess.

She genuinely tries to break me.

Welp. It's time to fight back.

Time to silence this inner critic so peace can have its say.

I find these tips to be more than helpful. They make sense and guide us towards the true solution:

Compassion.

Take it easy on yourselves my darlings! You don't have to do everything, every time for everyone.

#freeyoself

WTS.

10 Ways To Stop Being Mean To Yourself

We all have a mean girl living inside our heads and just like a mean girl on the playground, she makes you feel left out and like you don't belong. The Inner Mean Girl can be manipulative and competitive, driving you to work really hard (to the point of exhaustion), to compare yourself to those you think are "farther ahead," to make you keep adding more to your already-full plate.

Our Inner Mean Girl causes us to feel like we're never doing enough, or never being good enough. We feel like inept moms/daughters/writers/entrepreneurs/artists/you-name-it.

And what does this result in?

We become bullies to ourselves.

Your Inner Mean Girl is the pushy, sometimes critical, force within that fills your head with negative or obsessive thoughts. She drives you to make choices that sabotage you instead of support you,  and uses harsh (but very effective) tactics to do so. She's the force that catalyzes those toxic habits like overworking, over thinking, over-giving, comparing, trying to perfect, procrastinating. The list goes on. 

Does any of this sound familiar?

The types of Inner Mean Girls range from "Doing Addicts," "Good Girls," "Perfectionists," "Worry Warts" and more.

Listed are 10 simple but helpful ways you can stop your self-bullying. If you can follow these practical tips, you are on your way to a more relaxed, fulfilling existence.

1. Transform comparison into inspiration.

What you see in others also exists within you — it’s just not fully expressed yet. So when your Inner Mean Girl (IMG) compares you to someone else trying to make you feel inferior, use it as an opportunity to get inspired. First, see what it is that you're responding to, and what you want to express. Take it a step further by reaching out to tell that person they inspire you. That's right, TELL THEM.

2. Don’t strive for perfection, just do enough.

When you can’t stop yourself from doing more, stop and ask, “What would enough look like?” Once you get your answer, do only that. This practice helps create emotional freedom, and will get easier as you continue to do it. Soon you'll enjoy all the extra space you created for yourself.


3. Instead of pushing yourself forward, love yourself forward.

Your IMG thinks being critical will motivate you. But guess what? She's wrong. Compassion is the force that will motivate you, not criticism. Next time you feel inclined to judge yourself, imagine a child learning to do something new. What would you say to them to encourage and support them? Would you belittle or berate them as inspiration? Tell yourself compassionate words.

4. Stop piling more onto your plate.

Practice saying "No." When you feel pressured to say “Yes,” because you "should" or "have to" do something, stop. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Then respond.
“No.”
"No" also leaves space for other things.

5. Find evidence of how much you’ve done and how awesome you are.

Sometimes the IMG conveniently likes to forget all of the awesome things you've done, just so it has ammunition to engage in self-criticism. So kick your "Achievers Amnesia" by making a list of five things you’ve accomplished recently, and five things you love about yourself. Read these over and over and soak them in. Write them and leave them in places you view often. 

6. Find the desire under the pressure.

Usually when you are pressuring yourself to be farther ahead, it’s because you desire something. What is it you are striving for?  Find the desire and ask yourself, “What's the next step?”
Then, just do that. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.

7. Learn what triggers your Inner Mean Girl and be prepared for her attack.

Know what your top IMG “hot spot” is. In other words, does she show up in your career? Your romantic relationships? Your relationships with your body or money? Once you pinpoint it, you'll feel more empowered.


8. Let your Inner Mean Girl rant.

Stop repressing the self-bullying and say or write out what your IMG is filling your head with, so you can see just how "crazy" the thoughts are. Then, next time you have that thought, you’ll know you’re having an “Inner Mean Girl Attack” and can shut it down more quickly.

9. Create a stronger relationship with your Inner Wisdom.

In moments of fear or uncertainty, take a breath, put your hand on your heart, and ask yourself, “What does my Inner Wisdom know?” This is your truth.


10. Out your Inner Mean Girl to a friend.

When you are in the grips of your IMG and her fear, stress and criticism, it’s hard to shake her off — you need a “love line," a support system to talk to about what's going on, so you can free yourself from the restrictive force of your inner bully. So call a friend, tell her you are under Inner Mean Girl attack, let your IMG rant. Then ask your friend to tell you what her Inner Wisdom knows.

While you can’t exactly stop your Inner Mean Girl from showing up — especially in times of stress, uncertainty, and vulnerability — you can reform them so they stop sabotaging and start supporting you. You can transform your inner dialogue from mean girl to supportive friend. We all deserve a shoulder to lean on.

Why not start with yourself?

You Big Meanie