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Tuesday, April 28, 2015

New Trend Alert: FREE BLEEDING



Let me just start this by saying NO fucking way. I'm all for the complete freedom of women, but this is messy, unsanitary, unhealthy, and disturbing. Not to mention this could become quite an expensive choice as clothes, furniture, underwear, beds, etc., become ruined. Blood may flow easily out of bodies, but it's hell to get out of fabrics. And suppose you have a disease? Your putting people in harms way could cause you to not only to infect others, but um..

Get sued by them. This is such a bad idea all round.

Who thought up this madness?




Some bored, over zealous college student probably.

Just No Ladies, NO.

Now for the story.

MODERN WOMAN DIGEST – A disturbing new trend is on the rise, thanks to extreme feminist bloggers and activists everywhere. The trend is something called “Free Bleeding,” in which a woman who is menstruating chooses to not use feminine products, in exchange for allowing her blood to flow “freely” out of her body, staining her clothing and running down her thighs to wherever it may end up.





The idea behind this movement is two different ideas. One, is that a woman’s time of the month should not be considered something unclean and unnatural, something to be hidden and cleaned up hastily before it has the chance to offend anyone who may become privy to the fact that said woman’s body is evacuating her loins of unused baby blood. The second, being that tampons, pads, and other feminine hygiene products are “man” made inventions, intended to inadvertently rape a woman during her period, thus furthering her victim status as a woman living in a world run by men. These two reasons combined, have produced the idea that women need to make a stand against the practice of wearing products which collect, absorb, and discard the menstrual flow. That by letting it run freely, is the way nature intended us to deal with our monthly.



For any normal woman, however, this idea is horrifying, and for equally as many reasons as the idea is spoken in favor of. If you’re like myself, a proud, intelligent, educated, and body-conscious woman of modern times, the reasons why this is a bad and ugly practice are quite apparent to you. But for those of you who are not blessed with the acute observational skills such as myself, I will gladly share my wisdom with you.




Firstly, this is not “how nature intended” us to deal with our menstrual discharge. If this was the case, nature would never have given us the enlightenment that we were to cover our bodies to begin with. Animals of lesser intelligence run around naked and without the use of proper tools to make their lives easier because they are just that, of lesser intelligence. Nature intended us to be vastly intelligent, and to use our intelligence to overcome our flaws. In our case, it has given us humans the advanced technological know-how to invent specific products to make our monthly easier to manage. Animals urinate, defecate, and bleed all over themselves and each other. We generally would like to think we’re above that kind of behavior. But not in the case of these Feminists, it would seem. 




Second, the female reproductive system is host to over 7000 types of bacteria, some of which are helpful to the system, but many of which are not. These bacteria work together to create the odor and excretions that the female genitalia has been notoriously known for. As women, we need all the extra help we can get to remain clean “down there." Without the help of the many feminine hygiene products that are now available to us, our special place could be an intolerable wasteland of unbearable odors, discharge, and build up. The fact that Feminists see no problem with adding blood and other types of monthly discharge to the mix is not only disgusting, but alarming and unhealthy.




You're urged to disregard and reject this new hardcore feminist trend, both for your own health and the health of those around you. If you happen to come in contact with a Feminist who tries to push this disgusting idea on you, throw a tampon at them and run away as fast as you can.


Sourcery

Friday, April 24, 2015

David Be-A-Betterman


David Letterman has not been shy in hiding his resentment about retiring. I guess the real Dave is beginning to show as a result.

Sexist tweets aren't going to save your job Dave. Get a clue.



Thursday, April 23, 2015

Amy Schumer: Our New Favorite SHE-Ro

This woman is amazing. She uses comedy to make us laugh yes, but to shed light on women's issues.

Who loves shedding light on womens' issues?

*RaisesHandWayUpInTheAir*

Go Amy. May your star continue to shine bright..

On womens' topics :D


'Football Town Nights.'  Probably one of the few and possibly only times talking about rape is funny.





“There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy”

-Goldie Hawn



Monday, April 20, 2015

Women Take Drinks



How was my weekend? Well let's see. You want the full version or the parts I remember? With that being said, I'd say the weekend was a little too good. Went to an amazing party with some girlfriends. The bad news is how good the party was. Great music, attractive crowd, wonderful vibe. It was one of those nights. 

My girls and I were like..



There was a somewhat attractive guy who asked me if he could "take care of me for the night." 

What exactly does that entail?

We nicknamed him "Mr. Drinks" because that's what it entailed. It was as if he needed to get rid of money, because he bought countless women drinks at this soiree. Not only A DRINK, but for those who were still parched, he replenished their supplies unflinchingly. He was super-friendly. He smiled all night and never tried to get in my pants. No seriously. 

All that was missing was a top hat. He was a true gentleman. 

I danced, I laughed, I swayed and most important, I SLAYED. My new hot pink lipstick was a hit.



Mr. Drinks made mention all night of how much of a lady I was. "Elegant" he called me.

I wonder if he would still think so after reading a few entries of this blog..



After the whirlwind of fun, a friend Ubered us a cab that took us home. Once I got there I don't think I fell asleep. It felt more like sleep fell into me. I woke up to find a container of half-eaten mashed potatoes on the stove. How the hell did that get there? I felt like I must've slept-walk or something. My friend informed me that I'd bought them before going into my house, and from the greasy, ghetto chicken spot no less :/. It was news to me because I remembered none of it. Also in my kitchen was the bright green, fake-grass welcome mat that belongs to my new neighbor. That I remembered. In my highly drunken state, apparently I um.. 

Stole it. 

I was completely on auto-pilot, almost as if I was a different person.

A zombie.



I don't like being that intoxicated. I mean, what's the nutritional value of a drink anyway? My memory has always been impeccable. The fact that I can't remember things because of my drunkeness.. we're talking about my cerebellum here! Furthermore, the recovery period necessary the morning after is so unpleasant. It's all fun and games until someone steals a rug.

When I looked in the mirror after waking up, I think I understood the term "shit-faced" better than I ever had. I looked tired. Groggy. Haggard. And that hot pink lipstick was still very much hot pink. All other make-up had been washed off but not that pink. It was determined to stay. It took most of the day to fully get it off my lips. 

That's not hot.

One night.
Five drinks.
One very generous alcoholic beverage benefactor.
And an extremely tired, lethargic, hungover ME.  



I would much rather vodka became more of a memory, than a hobby.
Though my drink of choice is honey whiskey..
But still. 
The moral of the story is,

Sobriety awaits! 



#womentakedrinks
#drunkinanythingbutlove