The Emotional Reasons You're Physically Sick

Nothing gets our attention like an illness or being hurt. For many, when illness occurs we run straight to the doctor. Or Google. No one likes physical pain or discomfort, and depending on the severity of it, we'll move heaven and earth to make it go away. We look to medications, treatments, surgical procedures, any avenue to bring us back to "normal." There seems to be a pill to cure almost any ailment. A shot, a liquid, a powder. We seek out something tangible to make it all better. This is the age of medicinal quick fixes, and with that comes medicinal side effects.

What can end up happening is we take a medicine to deal with the side effects of the side effects of a medicine.

Who wants that?

Not even Chunk up there.

Fortunately, there's Holistic.

ho·lis·tic

hōˈlistik/

adjective

1. MEDICINE

characterized by the treatment of the whole person, taking into account mental and social factors, rather than just the physical symptoms of a disease.

So basically, Holistic treats the entire condition. The symptom and the cause. It covers all of the factors involved in why your health is not optimal. What your symptoms are, and the emotional/spiritual reasons you're having them.

Holistic cures don't offer the same harmful side effects as pharmaceutical medicines. They can be less expensive and offer spiritual benefits in addition to physical. Loads of "holistic" treatments allow us to create our own remedies, sometimes with ingredients already stocked at home. If not, a quick trip to the supermarket is all it takes.

No insurance forms to fill out there.

What we're not taught is,

Every.
Single.
Solitary.
Physical ailment, is the result of a spiritual or emotional imbalance. Every one of them. This statement is by no means an encouragement to forego the help of a professional health practitioner. This is merely a suggestion to look within yourself. FIRST. Examine the thoughts you're having about yourself or a situation, and see how it can be tied to your condition. Big pharma is never going to tell you that your condition can be cured by changing the way you feel and think about about your life (your mind-pattern) and yourself. There's simply too much money to be made by your being sick. There've been an influx of doctors being caught and tried for lying to patients about their diagnosis, especially with cancer. In addition to prescriptions, apparently giving chemo to people who don't need it is also very profitable. Fill your prescriptions as you please, but don't let Big Pharma or their pundits provide you with the only course of action on how you treat your ailment.

What's one of the easiest ways to find out what's going on with your body?

Ask it.

A simple question of "Hey *insert body part*? What do you need? Why have you called my attention? What should I do or provide you with?"

THEN LISTEN.

Any why is this so important?

Because despite what most of us have been taught to believe,

the body and mind are not separate.

Learning to listen and communicate with your body is a priceless too. It can save you money, time and possibly your life.

Big Pharma is a billion dollar business and let's face it: There's just no money in cures. The money lies in -not treating your conditions- but its SYMPTOMS.

And what are symptoms?

SIGNALS.

I once suffered from Silent Acid Reflux so bad, I could barely turn my head. The acid burned my throat and was beyond painful. One medication I took cost $300 a month. I had to take it for a full month so my doctor could determine if it worked.

It didn't. I took it for two months, and ended up in the emergency room on Thanksgiving night.

What "prescription" helped me more than anything?

$2 worth of ginger, a $5 gallon of aloe vera juice coupled with some very formidable affirmations on 'accepting the bitter aspects of life.'

All the time, money and pain I was in and a trip to Trader Joe's is what did the trick?

Listed are some of the underlying emotional/metaphysical reasons our bodies have physical issues, followed by their metaphysical counterparts. These are some of the most common illnesses women face. The affirmations (in addition to any other physical methods you opt for) can help change the mind-patterns that cause these ailments, and help re-direct yourself into health.

Some of the most common physical symptoms/dis-ease women face are:

Heart Disease (the number one killer of women)

Metaphysical causes: Longstanding emotional problems. Lack of joy. "Hardening" of the heart (bitterness). Belief in strain and stress.

Metaphysical cure statement: "I lovingly allow joy to flow through my mind and body and experience."

Heart Attack

Metaphysical causes: Squeezing all the joy out of the heart in favor of money or position.

Metaphysical cure statement: "I bring joy back to the center of my heart. I express love to all."

Stroke

Metaphysical causes: Giving up. Resistance. "Would rather die than change." Rejection of life.

Metaphysical cure statement: "Life is change, and I adapt easily to the new. I accept life, past present and future."

Diabetes

Metaphysical causes: Longing for what might have been. A great need to control. Deep sorrow. No sweetness left.

Metaphysical cure statement : "This moment is filled with joy. I now choose to experience the sweetness of today."

Breast Cancer

Metaphysical causes: A refusal to nourish self. Putting everyone else first. Overmothering. Overprotection. Overbearing attitudes.

Metaphysical cure statement: "I am important. I count. I now care for and nourish myself with love and with joy. I allow others the freedom to be who they are. We are all safe and free." 

Depression

Metaphysical causes: You do not feel you have a right to HAVE

Metaphysical cure statement: "I now go beyond other people's fear and limitations. I create my life."

Osteoporosis

Metaphysical causes: Feeling there is no support left in life

Metaphysical cure statement : "I stand up for myself, and life supports me in unexpected, loving ways."

Bulimia/Anorexia

Metaphysical causes: Hopeless terror. A frantic stuffing and purging of self-hatred. Denying the self life.

Metaphysical cure statement: "It is safe to be me. I am wonderful just as I am. I choose joy and self-acceptance. I choose to live. I am nourished and supported by life itself."

Obesity

Metaphysical causes: Fear, need for protection. Running away from feelings. Self-rejection.

Metaphysical cure statement: "I am at peace with my own feelings. I am safe where I am. I create my own security. I love and approve of myself."

Lupus

Metaphysical causes: A giving up. Better to die than stand up for one's self. Anger and punishment.

Metaphysical cure statement: "I speak up for myself freely and easily. I claim my own power. I love and approve of myself. I am free and safe."

Fibroids

Metaphysical causes: Denial of the self. Rejecting femininity. Rejection of the feminine principle. Holding in feelings.

Metaphysical cure statement : "I rejoice in my femaleness. I love being a woman. I love my body. I speak my truth freely."

Yeast Infections

Metaphysical causes: Denying your own needs. Not supporting yourself.

Metaphysical cure statement: "I now choose to support myself in loving joyous ways."

Overactive Thyroid

Metaphysical causes: Humiliation. "I never get to do what I want to do." "When is it going to be my turn?"

Metaphysical cure statement: "I move beyond old limitations and now allow myself to express freely and creatively."

Of course, this is a short list of common ailments that plague women. If you didn't see a condition you suffer from posted, here is a more in depth list. The universe like the human body, is comprised of many different layers. A myriad of variables and circumstances are involved in the functions and non-functions of our bodily form. A cigar is rarely just a cigar. It would be in our best interest to explore the infinite facets of the mind-body connection and how it works. Don't wait for sickness or for parts of your body to shut down before you investigate.

Of all the cures we could ever be prescribed,

Prevention is the best one.


Source 1
Source 2
Source 3

Women Who Ran for US President

I'm not a big fan of Hillary Clinton. In fact, I'm not even a small fan. I think she's a conniving opportunist who may or may not even be human. True, this could describe most politicians, but HC has her own classification entirely.

But maybe that's that's just my opinion.

Despite her baby kissing, handshaking, hot sauce carrying political campaign, Hillary's running for president though historic, is not the first of it's kind.  There were other brave estrogenated souls who made the attempt at becoming leader of the free world. The first of those being,

Victoria Woodhull

The first valiant undertaking by a woman to run for US presidency was in 1872. 34 year old Victoria

Woodhull ran under the Equal Rights Party. Her platform was universal suffrage, political reform, civil rights and social welfare. The irony of her bid for office was that in 1872, the Nineteenth Amendment hadn't yet been passed. Though a woman was running for president, women couldn't vote in presidential elections. Her running mate was none other than abolitionist Frederick Douglas, whom also made history as the first Black person ever nominated for Vice President. 

A fierce believer in free love, Victoria hated how society condemned liberated women. Her campaign suffered a fatal blow when she was arrested on obscenity charges for writing an article about an adulterous love affair between a powerful minister, and a parishioner just days before the election. With no votes for her recorded, historians can’t agree on whether her name actually appeared on nationwide ballots or whether she simply received no votes. Yays or nays aside, it was still incredibly daring of her to run. 

Gracie Allen

In 1940 Gracie Allen ran under the Surprise Party. Her platform was “Redwood, trimmed with nutty pine.” Her presidential run started as a stunt to generate publicity for her faltering radio show, the The Hinds Honey & Almond Cream Program Starring George Burns & Gracie Allen. During her satirical campaign, Allen used her ditzy persona to poke fun at the political system. The campaign included a mock party convention, a national whistle stop tour, an endorsement from Harvard University and an invitation from Eleanor Roosevelt to speak to the National Women’s Press Club.

“My opponents say they’re going to fight me ’til the cows come home,” she said in a campaign speech. “So, they admit the cows aren’t home. Why aren’t the cows home? Because they don’t like the conditions on the farm. The cows are smart. They’re not coming home ’til there’s a woman in the White House.” Though Allen did receive write-in votes, historians can’t agree on the number.

Shirley Chisholm

In 1972, Brooklyn native Shirley Chisholm ran under the Democratic Party. Her platform was equal rights and economic justice. She had already made history as the first Black woman elected to Congress in 1968, though she admitted that “sometimes I have trouble, myself, believing that I made it this far against the odds.

Chisholm called herself “the candidate of the people,” but struggled for acceptance as a viable candidate. Her motto was "Unbossed and Unbought" as Shirley was staunchly against corruption in politics. Though energetically motivated and promising, her disorganized and underfunded campaign didn’t help her efforts. She was fourth place for the nomination at the Democratic National Convention (she received 152 delegate votes in the Democratic primary) but lost to Governor George McGovern (who in turn lost to Richard Nixon). Though Chisholm was not the first woman to vie for the Democratic nomination, she was the most viable up until that time. Chisholm is still much respected for her political role and appeared on a stamp in 2014.

Linda Jenness

In 1972, presidential hopeful Linda Jenness ran to become the coveted Chief of Staff under the Socialist Workers Party. Her platform was Women’s liberation and no more war in Vietnam. A secretary from Atlanta, Jenness shared the nomination with another female candidate, Evelyn Reed, who ran in her place in states where Jenness did not qualify for the ballot due to her age. At 31, she didn't meet the US Presidency Age for Candidacy requirement of being being at least 35.

Though Jenness repeatedly challenged Democratic nominee George McGovern to a debate, he refused. Jenness predicted her own defeat, declaring that “the Socialists do not fool themselves that they have a chance of winning any major victories this year.” She was right—but she still managed to garner over 83,380 votes despite tepid press and struggles to finance her campaign.

Jill Stein

As recent as 2012, Jill Stein ran under the Green Party. Her platform was Green jobs and environmental protections. As a third-party candidate in a raucous election year, Jill Stein’s 2012 presidential run felt more like an afterthought than a milestone. But in fact, Stein’s presidential candidacy was the most successful ever conducted by a woman up until that time.

A physician who specializes in environmental health, Stein ran for president after two unsuccessful bids for the office of governor of Massachusetts. “People ask me why I keep fighting political battles in a rigged system,” she said in a 2012 speech. “The answer is simple. I keep fighting because when it comes to our children, mothers don’t give up.” Though Stein only managed to grab 0.36 percent of the popular vote (469,015 votes), she never gave up. She is currently running in the 2016 election, and you can visit her campaign page here. 

Long before Hillary, American women set their sights on the Oval Office. Whether it was to bolster a radio show, or to fight for their children, women have stood in the presidential race with pride, strength and insight. Not sure why the US is so behind the times when it comes to having a woman in charge. Britain had Margaret Thatcher, Israel had Golda Meir, India had Indira Gandhi, Germany has Angela Merkel. The bonds of patriarchy and male domination run deep and wide on American soil. There's one fact that cancels out any battle of wills when it comes to allowing women to make global political decisions..

Women truly do run the world..

With or without elections.

WTS.

Shirley Chisolm, Presidential Campaign Announcement

When the Rest of the World Elected Their First Women Leaders
Source 1
Source 2
Source 3

Women and Chess: New Movie Starring Lupita Nyongo

Queen of Katwe is the colorful true story of a young girl selling corn on the streets of rural Uganda whose world rapidly changes when she is introduced to the game of chess, and, as a result of the support she receives from her family and community, is instilled with the confidence and determination she needs to pursue her dream of becoming an international chess champion. Directed by Mira Nair (Monsoon Wedding) from a screenplay by William Wheeler (The Hoax) based on the book by Tim Crothers, Queen of Katwe is produced by Lydia Dean Pilcher (The Darjeeling Limited) and John Carls (Where the Wild Things Are) with Will Weiske and Troy Buder serving as executive producers. The film stars Golden Globe® nominee David Oyelowo (Selma), Oscar® winner and Tony Award® nominee Lupita Nyong'o (12 Years a Slave) and newcomer Madina Nalwanga.

Source

What Mother's Day was SUPPOSED to be..

Capitalism knows no bounds. Nothings is off limits. Nothing is sacred. Anything can be exploited, including the love one feels for their mom. I absolutely feel mothers should be celebrated, but I also feel every day is Mother's Day. I don't necessary care for the commercial aspect of the holiday as it compels people to spend on this day more than any other. But hey. People can do whatever flips their skirt up. 

Or Mom's.

I'm personally much more in favor of a "Mother's Peace Day" but that one didn't win out.

This lady's story seems like an episode of Seinfeld.

-WTS.

To all the mothers, and to those who might feel that this day, one when flower sales and brunch reservations go through the roof, is too overly commercialized -- you'll appreciate the story below.

  
Anna Jarvis (below) mothered Mother's Day a century ago. To see what her baby grew into would break her heart.

Anna Reeves Jarvis

Mother’s Day is a holiday honoring motherhood that is observed in different forms throughout the world. The American incarnation of Mother’s Day was created by Jarvis in 1908 and became an official U.S. holiday in 1914. Jarvis would later denounce the holiday’s commercialization and spent the latter part of her life trying to remove it from the calendar. Jarvis despised attempts to commercialize the "holy day" that she launched in memory of her mother, Ann. She fought tenaciously until her death to shield Mother's Day from "the hordes of money-schemers" that were hawking flowers, cards and candy.

Jarvis "is probably spinning in her grave," said Katharine Antolini, a board member and historian for the International Mother's Day Shrine in Grafton, West VA where the first celebration took place. "What we have today," said Antolini, "is not what Anna wanted." Not even close. Jarvis envisioned a day marked by hymns and prayers. She called for intimate family gatherings to "revive the dormant love and filial gratitude we owe to those who gave us birth." She wanted the focus and attention on a mother's devotion and sacrifice. It didn't take long, however, before some merchant got the idea of tossing up a SALE sign.

MOTHER’S DAY: EARLY INCARNATIONS

The roots of the modern American Mother’s Day date back to the 1800s. In the years before the Civil War (1861-65), Jarvis helped start “Mothers’ Day Work Clubs” to teach local women how to properly care for their children. These clubs later became a unifying force in a region of the country still divided over the Civil War. In 1868 Jarvis organized “Mothers’ Friendship Day,” at which mothers gathered with former Union and Confederate soldiers to promote reconciliation.

Another precursor to Mother’s Day came from the abolitionist and suffragette Julia Ward Howe. In 1870 Howe wrote the “Mother’s Day Proclamation,” a call to action that asked mothers to unite in promoting world peace. In 1873 Howe campaigned for a “Mother’s Peace Day” to be celebrated every June 2. Other early Mother’s Day pioneers include Juliet Calhoun Blakely, a temperance activist who inspired a local Mother’s Day in Albion, Michigan, in the 1870s. The duo of Mary Towles Sasseen and Frank Hering, meanwhile, both worked to organize a Mothers’ Day in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Some have even called Hering “the father of Mothers’ Day.”

THE OFFICIAL MOTHER’S DAY

Following her mother’s death in 1905, Anna conceived of Mother’s Day as a way of honoring the sacrifices mothers made for their children. After gaining financial backing from a Philadelphia department store owner named John Wanamaker, in May 1908 she organized the first official Mother’s Day celebration. That same day also saw thousands of people attend a Mother’s Day event at one of Wanamaker’s retail stores in Philadelphia.

Following the success of her first Mother’s Day, Jarvis—who remained unmarried and childless her whole life—resolved to see her holiday added to the national calendar. Arguing that American holidays were biased toward male achievements, she started a massive letter writing campaign to newspapers and prominent politicians urging the adoption of a special day honoring motherhood. By 1912 many states, towns and churches had adopted Mother’s Day as an annual holiday. Her persistence paid off in 1914 when President Woodrow Wilson signed a measure officially establishing the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.

Jarvis' Mother’s Day involved wearing a white carnation as a badge and visiting one’s mother or attending church services. But once Mother’s Day became a national holiday, it was not long before florists, card companies and other merchants capitalized on its popularity.

While Jarvis had initially worked with the floral industry to help raise Mother’s Day’s profile, by 1920 she had become disgusted with how the holiday had been commercialized. Jarvis seethed at what she perceived as corruption of the day. She was tenacious, if not "a little bizarre," in her efforts to ward off profiteers, Antolini said. In 1923, for instance, the New York Times reported that Jarvis crashed a confectioners' convention to issue demands. But, hard as she tried, she could not stop the cash registers from ringing. . . and ringing . . . and ringing. She outwardly denounced the transformation and urged people to stop buying Mother’s Day flowers, cards and candies. Jarvis eventually resorted to an open campaign against Mother’s Day profiteers, speaking out against confectioners, florists and even charities. She also launched countless lawsuits against groups that had used the name “Mother’s Day,” eventually spending most of her personal wealth in legal fees. By the time of her death Jarvis had disowned the holiday altogether, and even actively lobbied the government to see it removed from the American calendar.

Jarvis -- who never had a child of her own -- died bitter and destitute in 1948, her last days spent in a sanitarium.

Legend has it that florists, forever thankful for what Jarvis created, paid for her care. After all, one never forgets.

WTS.

Source

Source 2

Happy Friday. We're Back

Hello amazing Readers. Have you missed the updates? The stories? The sexiness? The ridiculousness?

So have I. With so many other projects going on, I haven't been focusing on this one. In truth, I wasn't sure I was going to continue with this blog. BUT, it's nice to hear what you think, what you like, what you wanna know about.

Plus, there are messages to get out. Information to be disseminated. Gifs to be made! Laughs to be laughed. Women to be saluted. Causes to be spotlighted. and most important,

Blogs to be written.

I (with the help of two associates) am working on new pieces. We're bringing in more spiritual layers to our stories. The world is changing and there are ALWAYS realities the general public is unaware of. Too many of us in this amazing sisterhood don't understand how, why, and/or some of the explanations beyond the physical. Well it's time to delve.

We also want to post videos including interviews, commentaries, and whatever the hell else we feel like doing. If anyone doesn't like it..

Capiche?

Thank you Readers for remaining faithful throughout this break. With an average of about 80 page hits per day (even with no new posts since Feb), that's definitely loyalty.

XOXO!! Thank you.

Women Take Shits.. in buffets apparently.

I don't much like buffets. They're great if you're trying to rack up calories and want a little of everything, but they're unsafe. Who knows when some mad at life disgruntled Earthling will decide to piss in the jello?

Or do something worse in the whatever.

Welp, you don't have to guess.

Picture it.

A drunken grandma in Manchester England.

An all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.

After dropping a cigarette in another patron's glass, management asks the grandma to leave.

Inebriated grandma becomes enraged and..

Shits in the food.

Yes you heard right. She shat in the shitakes.

It's a strange world we live in some time.

Stay away from buffets.

-WTS.

In a story surely too terrible to be true, an intoxicated grandma is alleged to have caused the closure of a Manchester restaurant after she did something unspeakably foul in a tray of crispy seaweed.
UK’s Sunday Sport reports the grandma shocked disgusted fellow diners when she took a number two in the middle of the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.
They said “ onlookers gasped (and some vomited) when the drunken 52-year-old climbed onto a chair, pulled down her tights and splattered her mess onto the savoury treat.”
They report that the grandma had been asked to leave the venue after putting out a cigarette in another customer’s drink.

When the Sunday Sport approached the alleged offender, Janice O’Dowd, she told their reporter: “Yes, I was drunk and yes, I did s**t on the buffet.”

Sue Harris was in the restaurant at the time celebrating her 40th birthday and said: “I was stood next to the woman when she grabbed a chair and climbed onto it. She was drunk and swigging from a vodka bottle and at first I thought she was just mooning her backside for the amusement of her friends.”

“I was physically sick on the spot.”

The owner of the restaurant was forced to shut for the day and let customers leave free of charge, apart from the offending table of drunken women.

He decided not to call the police.

Source of the Shit

Why Do Women Date Assholes?

 

There isn't a woman alive that hasn't dated an asshole. We have all gone out with at least ONE major dickhead.

The question is why do we do it? Why do we women date assholes? They say "you attract what you are" and though that may be true, I don't think that answer quite fits in this case. This article from Playboy does a good job of offering some witty yet realistic explanations as to why women can and do date such arrogant creatures. What we find is that women date assholes because of the category the man falls into, not the woman.

So why do women date assholes?

Because it's better than dating a pussy.

Read on children. -WTS.


After I pitched this story, I interviewed dozens of women and men, a sex therapist and a relationship psychiatrist. When I asked my friends why they dated assholes no two of them answered the same. It seems there is a toxic cocktail of psychological reasons women fall into this trap. I compiled a nice list, worthy of Cosmopolitan or Elle, with points like “daddy issues” and “ticking clock.” Then I deleted the whole fucking thing.

Frankly, I’m tired of the conventional wisdom that women date assholes because we need lessons in “self-love ” or “manifesting self-esteem” or some psychobabble blah-blah fucking blah about “healing your aloneness.” They’re always about what’s wrong with women and never about what’s going on with men.

In my experience, if a man is asking the question “Why do women date assholes?” he falls into one of three categories:


1. He’s the best friend of a woman who dates assholes, and he’s in love with her

2. He assumes that if a woman rejects him it has nothing at all to do with his shortcomings such as for example the fact that he’s rolling hard on Tinder from his parents’ basement

3. He’s a Beta Male

Famous misogynist and one of my personal heroes, Picasso said, “There are only two types of women—goddesses and doormats.”

I believe there are only two types of men—assholes and pussies.

I should probably define what an “asshole” is. Womanizer? Unfaithful married guy? Commitmentphobe? Gregory Louis Carter of the University of Durham led a study into the “bad boy” phenomenon and described them as men who “possess the Dark Triad personality traits of narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellism.”

But I think, like autism, assholes fall on a spectrum. On one side you have the Dark Triad douchebags and sociopaths, and on the other you have the kings who would risk their lives defending you. But they’re still assholes. You have to be to survive. In my over-generalized, simplistic view of the world, if you’re not an asshole, you’re a pussy.





Full disclosure—I love assholes. I’m sure any shrink would say I have latent daddy issues and blatant commitmentphobia polluting my psyche, which undoubtedly contributes to my fetish; but for now I blame sexual selection. I gravitate to The Asshole. In fact, the Dark Triad description reads like an erotica novel to me.

I don’t like sociopathic assholes (although I did in my 20s when I didn’t know any better). In my 30s I prefer the confident, well-adjusted asshole who knows how to grow food, take care of kids, build houses, fires, cars … maybe throw some knives. I have two requirements for my men: Can you protect me? Can you survive in extreme conditions? When I talked to my sister about this she said, “Yeah, I guess if you want a real man, you’re gonna have to be willing to put up with a little chauvinism and arrogance.”

I tend to agree. Assholes aren’t pushovers. And I don’t feel safe with a pushover. If I can walk all over a man, it doesn’t leave me feeling confident about his ability to defend me from the dangers of the world. Sure, I’m self-reliant, have a dog, some Mace and know basic self-defense. But honestly, I feel safer with a big, strong man around. What’s the point of even having a man around if he can’t at least stave off a marauding attacker?

Carter and his colleagues found that “with respect to short-term mating, women may be drawn to men who demonstrate confidence, stubbornness and risk-taking tendencies.” Without boring you with a bunch of evolutionary psychology, I’m essentially just responding to signals of “male quality.” I like men who can shield me in a dark alley or kill a bunch of motherfuckas in defense of our post-apocalypse rations.
I LOVE THE IDEA OF A TRADITIONAL MAN

The Alpha Male. The warrior. The provider. The protector. The hunter. The king. I know this is not the popular opinion. I realize the PC police have us so scared to encourage traditional gender roles and, God forbid, a little bit of backbone. I think because of this war on masculinity we now lack men who actually know how to do man shit, and trust me, that’s going to bite us in the ass down the road. And everyone is too fucking scared of the feminists to call it out. I don’t give a shit.

Women date assholes because through all of time assholes have been the alpha male. Yes, many of them have been murderous rapists. But MOST of them have been fighting for our honor, protecting women and children.

So I’m not interested in dating a man who talks about his therapy and has more dietary restrictions than I do. I’m not interested in a man who will cower in fear when the passengers on the plane are taken hostage. I’m not interested in someone who’s going to sit around bitching about the world on social media. (That’s my job.) I realize not all women want or like the Alpha Male. That’s fine. That’s their prerogative. I recommend they find themselves a nice, domesticated pussy, settle down and pray global warming isn’t real.

The trouble is, because we aren’t in constant survival mode, it’s easy for a pussy to pose as an asshole. He can hide behind money or tech skills, but the reality is—he’s a goner the first week after the dollar collapses. Here are some easy ways to identify a pussy:

1. He’s a mommy’s boy

He was breastfed until he was 10 like that weird kid in Game of Thrones. He’s looking for another mommy. I don’t mind if you suck on my tits occasionally, but I’m certainly not here to blow smoke up your ass and coddle your flimsy ego. There’s nothing more unattractive than neediness. -(Boom!)

2. He’s afraid of rodents, insects or reptiles

I was dating a man. We’ll call him Mr. 1%. He treated me like gold. Flew me around the world. He is ruthless in business but soft in bed. By all accounts he is an Alpha Male. He exudes confidence and assertiveness. One day we were at his house in Maui and a mouse ran down the hall right towards him. I’ve never heard a scream so loud. There is honestly nothing more terrifying than a grown man screaming. He immediately picked up his phone and called the gate security. “SECURITY! THERE’S A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE!” I picked up a broom and ushered the cute little thing out the door. I couldn’t stop laughing. Days later, we tried to laugh it off, but I knew it was over. I would never be able to look at him the same way again.

3. He’s over 35 and on Instagram

There’s something desperate about it. I associate Instagram with teenagers and cougars. Most of the men I know who could survive in the woods for two weeks could give a shit about their follower count.

4. He’s a hipster

FACT: All hipsters are pussies.

5. He believes in “participation trophies"

Put any amount of pressure on this guy, and he will crack. He’s the dude who’s cool with Coldplay at the Super Bowl.

6. He’s pussy-whipped

His wife publicly humiliates him all the time. She makes him carry her Birkin bag. Think Brad Pitt.

7. He’s rich but defenseless

He thinks he’s a real man because he has money. He’s not. In fact, rich dudes are some of the biggest pussies I’ve ever met. Money can’t buy you bravery in the face of danger. It can’t buy you self-reliance. In our modern society women gravitate to men with money because money is the modern equivalent of “security.” It’s an illusion. Unless he’s willing to spend his money on HAZMAT suits, generators, an apocalypse bunker, seeds, water and a helicopter – don’t bite.

8. He’s spoiled

I’m looking at you trustafarians, with your never-done-a-dish “butter hands.” He might act like an asshole, but it’s a cover-up to hide the fact that he’s never endured a hard day of manual labor in his life and probably can’t lift a TV.

9. He’s pathetic

He has to call AAA to have it change his tire. He’s afraid of power tools. He’s passive-aggressive. He plays video games 25 hours a day and calls women derogative names online. He’s angry because women reject him yet takes no responsibility for self-improvement or acting like a man.

10. He’s a bully

Bullies over-compensate. Real men are wise, just and humble. They are aware that vulnerability, intimacy and emotional intelligence aren’t signs of weakness but evidence of deep, inner strength. Everyone knows the biggest pussies are the macho, in-your-face, tough guys. Like rich dudes and trust fund babies, bullies also occupy the intersecting space in the Pussy/Asshole Venn diagram—but when push comes to shove these boys will reveal their cowardly colors every single time. A bully will turn on you. An asshole would do his time before he went down labeled a “snitch.”

I’m not saying all pussies are all bad. I know they have their place in modern society. They can wear their Lululemon gym gear, brew their craft beer, drive their Prius or hybrid/electric of any sort, do their juice cleanse and upload their Snapchat, and it doesn’t bother me one bit. I’m just saying that when the worldwide algorithm crashes—and it will—then we’ll see who the real men are. And I think I’ll take my chances with an asshole.

Source