I Wish I Had a D*ck..

If I had a dick, I would probably never leave the house.

I would be stroking it all the time. Talking to it..

"Hey Dick, you good? We havin' Chinese tonight??"

I'd play tricks with it. Be balancing stuff on it. I'd start with coins.. work my way up to cans or something. Maybe even bounce balls on it. No, not THOSE balls, other balls. I'd use it to drum on things. Make Dick rhythms like no otha..

When no one was looking, I'd use it to knock on doors.

And run.

'Ding Dong Ditch' would be 'Ding Dong Dick.'

Dress it up in old socks and do a horror puppet show, scare the cat.

Or more aptly put, scare the Pussy.

No Dim Wit, that's Dick Wit. *slaps knee with laughter*

The fun I'd have if I had a dick. We'd be best friends! I would use it to give lost women directions.

True they would slap me, but they'd know where they were going. My hero dick would see to it that they were Damsel in distress no more!

I would enter my schlong in dance contests, captivate the onlookers..

I can hear the crowd now..

"Go Dick! It'sya birthday..!"

I would make my dick pop-lock. Call myself Ozone, and my dick could be Turbo.

We would do a dance scene with a broom.

I'd have to massage my lovestick daily. Oil the folds. Up an down with my greased palm. Water based lube, no vaseline dude.

This ain't prison.

I would have my peen sung to..

"You... Light up my li-ifeee"


Yeah, I'd definitely sing to my dick. Especially the lower half, the darker part..

The Bone Zone.

My dick's name would be Bubba. Or Pharoah. Or, even more narcissistic, ZEUS.

My dick would be a GOD GODDAMMIT.

I wrote a poem about dick.

Like to hear it?' Here it GO..


wanna grow a DICK quick.
a really thick prick.
a longlaster
nunna that
jizz too quick shit.
cum as lipstick.
a penile icepick.
slip-n-slides
goes by the name of 'slickrick'
solid as brick
a penis with kick.
semen icecream
when given quicklicks.
from Ronald McTrick
to a tennesee hick
the celibate bit
does not make us tick.

Dick Power.